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Broken (Free verse) by singinkygal Broken
Weak
All words spoken
NO more to speak
Of what is wrong
Or what is right
My heartâs heavy song
And loveâs cold bite
Miseryâs cruel smell of victory
And happiness thrashing about drowning in defeat
My heart is broken before me
as I weep at your feet.
Up the ladder:
A Pill
Down the ladder:
Panda Love
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.3333333
Posted: January 31, 2005 6:54 AM PST; Last modified: February 3, 2005 9:26 AM PSTWeighted score: 4.8013287 Overall Rank: 11135 Comments:
[n/a]
fevriere @ 62.254.128.4
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3-Feb-05/9:31 AM
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Reply
Oddly I like this, to begin with, but if there are no words to speak, how can you even squeeze a rhyme out of a poem? Have you considered cutting it off after "or what is right"? The "heart's heavy song" coul be the title - 'tis a redeemable line but the best poetry is the best words (e.g. for a poem on this theme, few?) in the right order (to give a sense of dullness, emptiness.
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