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Alone (Free verse) by rrashi
When I was sitting alone in the garden, The cool breeze made me feel pardon, The smell was filled with perfume, And the smoke caused by fumes, Made me feel happy and rejoiced, The humming of bees on flowers, Made me feel one with the nature, But after sometime when I opened my eyes, I realised that the breeze had changed into rain, And the water had begun to drain, The smell of wet sand , Made me feel light and joyful, This happened when I was sitting alone, This happened when I was enjoying a cone.

Up the ladder: deviant conveniences
Down the ladder: The Mandarin

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.4
Weighted score: 5.166884
Overall Rank: 5048
Posted: October 27, 2004 12:10 AM PDT; Last modified: October 27, 2004 12:10 AM PDT
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rrashi

Comments:
[10] zodiac @ 212.118.11.11 | 27-Oct-04/1:18 AM | Reply
Great@!!1
[10] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 81.154.19.210 | 27-Oct-04/3:15 AM | Reply
Astonishing use of "fumes" to rhyme with "perfume".
[n/a] edpeterson @ 68.79.58.106 | 27-Oct-04/5:28 AM | Reply
and in which orafice were you enjoying this "cone"?
[5] Dovina @ 17.255.240.6 | 27-Oct-04/1:40 PM | Reply
Beware of the ten-vote and the opposite comment. Too many commas. "Smell filled with perfume" is wordy and redundant. "happy and rejoiced" sounds funny. To feel one with nature is to use a cliche. Some good ideas needing better words.
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