poemranker ::Alone by rrashi

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Free verse № 114368

Alone

Member since 2004 · Posted 27 Oct 2004 · 4 comments

When I was sitting alone in the garden, The cool breeze made me feel pardon, The smell was filled with perfume, And the smoke caused by fumes, Made me feel happy and rejoiced, The humming of bees on flowers, Made me feel one with the nature, But after sometime when I opened my eyes, I realised that the breeze had changed into rain, And the water had begun to drain, The smell of wet sand , Made me feel light and joyful, This happened when I was sitting alone, This happened when I was enjoying a cone.

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mean 6.40 weighted 5.17 rank 5049 views 122 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

A favorite of rrashi.

4 comments

[10] zodiac 27-Oct-04/1:18 AM Reply
Great@!!1
[10] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 27-Oct-04/3:15 AM Reply
Astonishing use of "fumes" to rhyme with "perfume".
[n/a] edpeterson 27-Oct-04/5:28 AM Reply
and in which orafice were you enjoying this "cone"?
[5] Dovina 27-Oct-04/1:40 PM Reply
Beware of the ten-vote and the opposite comment. Too many commas. "Smell filled with perfume" is wordy and redundant. "happy and rejoiced" sounds funny. To feel one with nature is to use a cliche. Some good ideas needing better words.