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aphelion (Free verse) by DespondentDotCom
aphelion Gathering clouds of numb ineloquence as we get back in line, Work squeezed schoolboy summers into these aphelion days. Used to speak clearly honest innocent not this corporate whine, Which drains and degrades; days off spent in drunken haze. Remember remember the cider on the swings, the sun on our backs, The first to pass the driving test, washed cars to pay for cigarettes. Not now: stay in line, watch the clock, do as they say or get the sack. It can't it won't it can't come again, paralysed by permanent regret, But though our time came to crumple and fail, to compromise and fall, Once we soared and rocked and rolled and raged and ruled and stood tall.

Up the ladder: Creative Destruction
Down the ladder: Rainbow Tears

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 3.0
Weighted score: 4.7615943
Overall Rank: 11564
Posted: August 22, 2002 1:10 PM PDT; Last modified: August 22, 2002 1:10 PM PDT
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Comments:
[7] Venus @ 64.12.96.237 | 22-Aug-02/2:54 PM | Reply
Quit that cursed job and live again! Grow some balls and stop compromising, damn ye! Love the last bit. 7/10
[2] god'swife @ 209.179.210.111 | 22-Aug-02/2:57 PM | Reply
Better. but not for me.
[n/a] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 22-Aug-02/8:10 PM | Reply
ah blue collar hell, and the grown up responsibility blues...let's see uhhh.. cut all of your sentences in half and stack again for a cleaner look and to speed up the progression, that's all. aphelion?
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