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Dial Tone (Free verse) by cuddlytiger17 After years of being verbally abused
I begin to feel that Iâve been used
Sitting here all alone
I listen to the dial tone.
Up the ladder:
Dan
Down the ladder:
The Fourth Of July 2004
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.4444447
Posted: May 12, 2004 2:24 PM PDT; Last modified: May 12, 2004 2:24 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.7222223 Overall Rank: 1886 Comments:
[9]
Sasha @ 69.138.236.63
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12-May-04/2:38 PM
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Reply
This is a lot better! Is this an old one or a new one?
[n/a]
cuddlytiger17 @ 64.80.246.226
> Sasha
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12-May-04/3:38 PM
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Reply
Thank you, it makes me feel at least a little better to have won your approval lol. :p This one is older than the other ones i have posted on here. None of them are "new" as in i just wrote them the day i posted them, but they're fairly recent. Can i ask what makes this one so different from the others? Why you like this one a lot more than any of the other ones I've posted?
[9]
Sasha @ 69.138.236.63
> cuddlytiger17
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12-May-04/4:45 PM
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Reply
Easy to answer: Less cliché, more original
This is better than the last one of yours that I read. I think you just need to expand your vocabulary a little bit and you'll be okay.
See below for an example.
Dialysis Tone
After years of being renally refused* I wish my kidney'd been transfused** Fil'tring here all alone I listen to the dialysis tone lol * refused a kidney transplant ** by which is meant, transplanted
Umm i dont think an expanded vocabulary would make my poems more suitable for you. More like a demented twist involving shit or some other sick subject you seem to be enthralled with...
Please don't swear on poemeranker.
You confounded clod! -=Dark_Angel=- can't get wings of shame. He practically invented them. And incidentally, just in case you've forgotten, you're the interloper here, not him or any of the rest of us. Please, do sit down. You're bound to only further embarass yourself.
An expanded vocabulary would not help with making -=Dark_Angel=- like your poetry but it would improve it. I'm not saying that you have to memorize the dictionary. Simply read more poetry to dicover new words and how to use them correctly.
Yes i know, i agree with you nowhereman. I've been working on trying to do so. Thanks for contructive criticism...
You're very welcome and if you read any of mine (and, of course, I would encourage you to do so), please don't take them as examples of genuinely good poetry.
I have read some of urs lol...
Oh..I wasn't aware..gracias, then.
de nada senor.
I'd suggest the poetry of John F. Nims as a way to increase your vocabulary and cerebral space.
No, just a little overexcited at finally being able to Hold Forth on Topics of Public Interest in Polite After-Dinner Discourse. And more than a little late for his bedtime, which has made him grouchy and prone to Faux Pas, the Subtle Markings of Inexperience.
Ouch
I felt that all the way over here. Actually I'm just underslept, but I don't think I'm grouchy. zodiac, I'm insanely curious about something: You praise my translation of Ne me Quitte Pas but subsequently and inexplicably refer to me as inexperienced. Why?
Perhaps you just got tired of being an enabler? Good job.
Suggestion:
Listening to the phone's monotone.
hmmm...
seems a little lacking of... Something... Like substance, not so much depth more... purpose or drive, but I'm looking for a better word... Damn it. Someone able to help me figure what this lacks? No vote for now.
It lacks excellence.
If it lacks excellence then why'd u give it a ten? (Not saying that its excellent, bc i dont really agree with that, but apparently u liked it to an extent...)
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