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I Find Myself Standing (Free verse) by Aetius on a rope-bridge of hope
across the chasm which grew
between us
on the day when
I stopped writing.
He laughed when
I told him I was done.
He disbelieved.
Doubted.
And now,
I find myself mid-span.
You'll see that I hold a pen.
Again.
And I just can't drop it.
Maybe he was right.
Up the ladder:
Necromancers Song (Incubus Guitar & Buddhist Drums)
Down the ladder:
A Permanent Fixture
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.25
Posted: May 4, 2004 9:56 AM PDT; Last modified: May 4, 2004 9:56 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.6051183 Overall Rank: 2293 Comments:
so many pronouns!
wean them away for a more concise image, and give me a little less narrative and a little more of why you stopped, and, having stopped, chose to then cross that wobbly span clutching that now-impotent pen?
the linebreaks seem to make no sense.
Shouldn't you be chatting someplace??
;O) Not bad, this one - not bad at all. Might be a little preposition heavy in S1 (fairly easily fixed - trade away across somehow since it's implied by the bridge). It's got a nice feel to it. ah - I just notice <~> hit on the pronouns. Those little words that offer little value are what will kill you. Over a third of the words are either preps or pronouns. 232 view(s)
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He disbelieved.
Doubted.
And I just can't drop it.