Shuushin4 May 2004

Shouldn't you be chatting someplace??
;O)

Not bad, this one - not bad at all. Might be a little preposition heavy in S1 (fairly easily fixed - trade away across somehow since it's implied by the bridge).

It's got a nice feel to it.

ah - I just notice <~> hit on the pronouns. Those little words that offer little value are what will kill you.

Over a third of the words are either preps or pronouns.