Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

As Catullus Said (Updated and Revised) (Other) by Sasha
V Honey, let’s live. let’s really live for love. The hell with what those greyhead foggies bawl That crap’s not worth the shine off a bent-up penny. The sun may set, though suns can rise again, But when the hot glow of our short-lived light Gives us the last cold smoulder, then the night Plunges our slumber through a dawnless gloom. So serve me a thousand kisses! Then a hundred More thousands! Don’t stop now! Another hundred And millions more, serve up another hundred We lose count as we volley and serve them all. Don’t stop to count them. Evil eyes might leer And glitter green with envy at our kisses. VIII O poor Catullus, stupid long enough! Open your eyes and see: What’s gone is gone. Once how the sunlight sparkled! Glorious weather When you would stroll out after her: A girl Loved as no other ever was or will be. The things we did, the fun we had together, Some things I wanted, things she eased me into. Then how the sunlight sparkled- glorious weather. Now she wants out: Get over it! Endure it! Don’t dawdle after her; don’t you sit moping, Make up your mind to be a man. Endure! Just say: Goodbye girl. Show her what you’re made of. Just tell her: I don’t need you; won’t come crawling. But you’ll be sorry when there’s none to love you. Who’s there to love and live for? What’s to live for? Who’ll hover round you? Praise your body’s beauty? What man’s the new one? Whose will you be called? Whose lips on yours? Teeth- teasing tongue...O stop it! Stupid Catullus, be a man! Endure! XVI I’ll bend you over, and I’ll fuck your faces, You, facial Furus and you, anal Aurelius For thinking me a lewd man for my writing Which is, in fact, quite sensual and slutty. A pious poet needs his chastity, Who said his verses can’t be naughty though? My verses need some charm, and should be witty, And so they must be sensual and slutty And sexy- so they’re able to arouse, Not boys, but hairy men who just can’t raise Their listless, lifeless dicks up from the dead. Because you’ve read of kisses by the thousand, You think me unmanly? Less of what I’m made of? I’ll bend you over, and I’ll fuck your faces XLIV The balm of vernal warmth is back already. Already now the breath of western breezes Hushes the heavens' equinoctial rage. Catullus, leave the Phrygian fields and plains For meads that teem in the Nicaean country, Let’s fly to Asia’s cities, gold in glory. My soul’s aflutter as it yearns for travel. I feel new life. The eager feet grow strong. Farewell dear friends who left your distant homes To rove and roam, this way and that way, wandering By winding roads that wind up in one place. LXX “And I’d still love you if high Juppiter Were hitting on me. Still I would, I swear” Girls’ vows to lovers might as well be scribbled In rushing rivers and in windy air. 75... Now my mind’s been brought to such a state, and it’s your fault- Lesbia!- Been so skewed, devoted so to you, I could not like you again if you turned truest of women, Nor fall out of love for all the worst you’d do. 85.. I hate the girl I love. You ask how I know or can? I don’t know. I just feel. Ask any tortured man. CV. To Richard, A Critic Once little Dick tried climbing up The Mountain of the Muses Head first they grabbed him, and with spears They jerked him off their mountain

Up the ladder: Censor
Down the ladder: Mom And Dad

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 34
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 11

Arithmetic Mean: 7.9
Weighted score: 6.45
Overall Rank: 735
Posted: May 3, 2004 3:27 PM PDT; Last modified: May 10, 2004 9:06 PM PDT
View voting details
Comments:
[n/a] deleted user @ 68.66.196.168 | 3-May-04/3:29 PM | Reply
What are you doing? deleting a poem that you just posted and posting another! That's twice!
[n/a] Sasha @ 69.138.236.63 > deleted user | 3-May-04/4:30 PM | Reply
Sorry, I just didnt like the old one that much
[9] zodiac @ 152.18.33.201 | 3-May-04/5:24 PM | Reply
I would translate "praecipitem eiciunt" as "subjected him to anal abuses" for the rhyme.
[n/a] Sasha @ 69.138.236.63 > zodiac | 3-May-04/5:31 PM | Reply
Duly noted. But that would alter the rhythm.
[9] zodiac @ 67.240.192.52 > Sasha | 4-May-04/3:53 PM | Reply
Perhaps you could change "with spears" to "his rear", and so on.
[9] zodiac @ 67.240.192.52 | 4-May-04/3:48 PM | Reply
Cipote,

Do you do requests? I'm looking for an English translation for Jacques Brel's "Ne Me Quite Pas" that goes with the melody and doesn't sound utterly gay, unlike my French.
[9] zodiac @ 67.240.192.52 > zodiac | 4-May-04/3:51 PM | Reply
Be as liberal with it as you want, especially around the part about the volcano - and the refrain, which I can't think of any way to say that's not ridiculous in English. If you will do this for me, I promise not to make fun of you for at least one post.
[n/a] Sasha @ 69.138.236.63 > zodiac | 4-May-04/5:37 PM | Reply
Here's a rough draft of the first verse. See how you like it.

Don't you leave me now,
Now we must forget
All we can forget
All that's left us now;
To forget about
All the times we fought
And the time we lost
Trying to figure out
How we might forget
When attacks of "why?"
Helped our hearts kill time,
How it thrills me yet!

(then) Don't you leave me now... (etc.)

I know the last line could use more work
[9] zodiac @ 67.240.59.208 > Sasha | 4-May-04/6:16 PM | Reply
The last line's not awful - you should just put a comma after yet instead of the Victorian exclamatory and run it into the the refrain. Congratulations, I find it sings swimmingly.
[n/a] Sasha @ 69.138.236.63 > zodiac | 4-May-04/6:25 PM | Reply
See why I do translations more than original poems?
[9] zodiac @ 67.240.59.208 > Sasha | 4-May-04/6:53 PM | Reply
Now just imagine if Catullus had said silly things like that. You'd be translating Catullus's translations of, I don't know, Sumerian or caveman or something right now, instead of translating Catullus's original poems. Of course, I wish sometimes Pound had stuck with translation, but that's another matter.

Hey, here's one from my archives - what do you think? It's Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz:

If one were to consider the risks of the sea
No one would ever embark; if one were to see
The dangers beforehand, he would never dare
Provoke the valiant bull; if one took care
To consider the bolting horse’s fury, no
Wise horseman, however sober was his hand
Would ever face him, to make him slow or stand.

But if you were that one so daring, though
You knew the peril, like old Apollo you
Would want to guide that horse with your tight-gloved
Hand, the speeding chariot washed in a haze
Of azure sunlight, all that you could do, do,
And not consider all of this you’ve loved,
That this is how it should be all your days.
[9] zodiac @ 67.240.59.208 > zodiac | 4-May-04/7:00 PM | Reply
I see now "you were" should've been "there were" - a beginner's mistake. But then I couldn't have rhymed "you" below.
[n/a] Sasha @ 69.138.236.63 > zodiac | 4-May-04/7:09 PM | Reply
about the translation of "Si los riesgos del mar considerara..."

In the original it's in perfect Spanish hendecasyllabics. Your translation has hypermetric lines, which aren't a bad idea in and of themselves, but they don't seem like what Juana Inés de la Cruz would have written had she written in english. Also, there's nothing wrong with taking liberties in translation (in my opinion) but why does Apollo become "old?" I think just saying "...like Apollo you" would make the line flow better.


Here's an oddity. Catullus did do that silly sort of thing. He translated Sappho's poem, the one that begins

φαίνεταί μοι κῆνος ἴσος θέοισιν
ἔμμεν' ὤνηρ,

with:

Ille mi par esse deo videtur,
ille, si fas est, superare divos,
qui sedens adversus identidem te
spectat et audit

dulce ridentem, misero quod omnes
eripit sensus mihi, nam simul te,
Lesbia, aspexi, nihil est super mi
<vocis in ore>

lingua sed torpet, tenuis sub artus
flamma demanat, sonitu suopte
tinitant aures, gemina teguntur
lumina nocte.
[n/a] Sasha @ 69.138.236.63 > Sasha | 4-May-04/7:15 PM | Reply
I personally like Sappho's original better
[9] zodiac @ 67.240.59.208 > Sasha | 4-May-04/7:23 PM | Reply
Looking at it now, I don't know why I didn't go with a lot of easier (and at least decasyllabic) word-choices. These days I wouldn't really give a fuck except to convey something of the same feeling of meter. I did Alfonsina Storni's "Ancestral Burden (Peso ancestral)" like this:

You’d always tell me: My father never wept;
My grandfather, never, nor his father before;
You told me, and so the men of our race have kept
As hard as ore.

So you would tell me, and your tear would fall
Into my open mouth - A poison so deadly
I never could have found in a vial so small,
Or given so readily.

Weak woman, fragile woman who bore it,
The heaviness of Mankind, you taught me your hunger.
Oh, but I feel this soul of mine can’t support
Your burden much longer!
[9] zodiac @ 67.240.192.59 > zodiac | 4-May-04/7:28 PM | Reply
Notice I added rhymes.
[n/a] Sasha @ 69.138.236.63 > zodiac | 4-May-04/8:03 PM | Reply
In keeping with the original, if you want, you could use vowel-only rhymes.

For example, my translation of Lorca's "Gacela de la terrible presencia":
http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=99783
[n/a] Sasha @ 69.138.236.63 > zodiac | 4-May-04/8:13 PM | Reply
I'm not sure why, but "as hard as ore" doesen't seem as strong to me as "eran de acero" (Which has an even stronger resonance with a hard Castillian "th" sound, though Storni probably didn't actually pronounce it that way), perhaps use "They were pure iron" or "They were sheer steel" though I'm not sure how the rhyme would work there
[10] horus8 @ 24.130.62.63 | 4-May-04/8:13 PM | Reply
Unreadable smut.
[10] horus8 @ 24.130.62.63 | 4-May-04/8:14 PM | Reply
O wait I get it, Dick.
[5] sliver @ 65.178.192.168 | 10-May-04/8:51 PM | Reply
Confucious says:
578 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001