What needs to be said that you haven't my friend!

I'm a sucker for the bad ass last line. I'll admit it.

I dig the way it builds up each verse grows slightly more intense. With the word usage becomming of a more violent nature with each verse. Progression is an area I find myself somewhat weak in. I do so admire it in others work.

I disagree I think that the rhyming adds to the psuedo whimsical nature of the poem it adds a sarcastic twinge. However I feel that If you want to go this route then perhaps you should go all the way. I would Like to see this as a sonnet. But then again I'm just naturally one for pervercity.

I can dig the feeling of this, but I have one criticism and it's a criticism I have made of myself in the past, the word pain is such an easy word to use and it comes very naturally however there is a tendancy to dismiss it. For me it's a red flag word. I suppose what I'm trying to say is it's better in my opinion to describe pain without using the word pain. Again jsut my opinion. Otherwise I can dig it.