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Suggestion:
I suggest that:

1. All users be weighed.
2. Their weight in pounds be displayed next to their username.
3. All ribaldy be weight-related.

Example:

Re: a comment on a funny storm by violetsuede (280 pounds) Stephen Robins (120 pounds) 213.146.148.199 5-Apr-04/7:11 AM
Upon my word, you're a big fat sow.

Replies:
anonymous @ 213.146.148.199 | 5-Apr-04/7:57 AM | Reply
OMG LOLTTM !!!!! - (actually nearer 200 pounds.)
Shuushin @ 147.154.235.51 | 5-Apr-04/11:11 AM | Reply
My fat head alone is near 120 pounds. Imagine if it weren't filled with hydrogen gas.
I don't intend to imagine any such thing, you fat sow.
too late - I know you already have.

And I'm not that fat, really. Just my head. Just my big fat hydrogen filled head.

It looks fatter when I wear my little propeller beanie hat and pretend I'm a German Zeppelin.... oh. The Humanity.
anonymous @ 195.92.198.72 > Shuushin | 6-Apr-04/12:43 PM | Reply
How'd you weigh just your head?
Shuushin @ 147.154.235.53 > anonymous | 6-Apr-04/1:54 PM | Reply
I rest my shoulder on the floor, put my head on the scale and press the little "freeze display" botton.

Simple.
zodiac @ 152.18.33.186 > anonymous | 6-Apr-04/2:39 PM | Reply
Volume x density x gravitational coefficent, I imagine.
Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 > zodiac | 6-Apr-04/7:23 PM | Reply
crap - I hope I'm not off by much.
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 163.1.146.114 > zodiac | 8-Apr-04/10:21 AM | Reply
Calculating the volume of one's head is easy - stick your head in a bucket of urine and measure the displacement. But how do you know the density?
zodiac @ 67.240.192.176 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 8-Apr-04/10:42 AM | Reply
You don't know yours?
zodiac @ 152.18.33.186 > zodiac | 13-Apr-04/12:59 PM | Reply
"The average density of the human head is approximately 1050 kg/m3"

http://www.ece.nus.edu.sg/stfpage/elelilw/Handset.htm
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 81.154.19.209 > zodiac | 13-Apr-04/3:52 PM | Reply
Your method is dunce. We're trying to find a way of weighing a head without cutting it off. You could get an approximate value by assuming the head in question is of average density, but that's a rubbish solution. Not least because the average head density was probably calculated by chopping off heads from a load of dead people and weighing them. We need to find a solution that doesn't chop off any heads (preferably invovling an elaborate system of ropes and pulleys).
anonymous @ 152.18.33.186 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 13-Apr-04/4:20 PM | Reply
Certainly there's another way to calculate average density without cutting off a head. X-rays come to mind, or gamma-beam-blasters, or having a friend thwack it with a thumb while pressing your ear against the opposite side. I imagine that if such a technique exists, it has been performed by scientists somewhere, probably resulting in the figure I cited. The only reference which that website gives that could be its source is likely "Characteristics of the SAR distributions in a head exposed to electromagnetic fields radiated by a hand-held portable radio," which seems to indicate a beam-related method of some kind. However, I am not a physicist, just a schoolkid who wants to be one.
anonymous @ 152.18.33.197 > anonymous | 13-Apr-04/5:23 PM | Reply
If you suspect your head has an 'unaverage' density, you might as well use the average given above, as the only alternative at this point is some hokey contrivance of ropes and pulleys that will almost certainly involve being suspended upside-down over a plastic kiddie pool chock full of spawning carp, and the accompanying rush of blood to your head will throw off your calculations anyway.
zodiac @ 67.240.155.124 > anonymous | 13-Apr-04/9:43 PM | Reply
NEW IMPROVED METHOD(E)!!!!

1) Have a friend hold your feet in the air while you position the base of your skull on a convenient pivot (preferably an edge of width=0 or a point of width=0, length=0).

2) The point is to hold your body (except your head) upside-down as vertically as possible, the same distance (along a horizontal axis) from the pivot as your head. That is, if your head extends, say, ten inches to one side of the pivot, your body will go no more than ten inches to the other.

3) Start stacking weights on your forehead until your head-side and body-side are balanced. This will be intensely painful, as over 100L of weights will be required. Try to think of something pleasant.

4) The equation for the approximate weight of your head will be:
HEAD = .5(BODY - ADDED)

(nb-I'm sure I'm missing something, as I used all my grade-school physics notes to construct a giant papier-mache nest in the corner of my office, rendering them utterly illegible.)
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 163.1.146.114 > zodiac | 14-Apr-04/5:37 AM | Reply
That method doesn't work. I have already considered it. My version consisted of lying on your back on a plank of wood, with a pivot placed exactly at your neck. Then place weights on the head side until balanced and then use the fact that the clockwise moment equals the anti-clockwise moment to obtain a value for HEAD. The problem with this method is as follows:

1) You don't know the centre of mass of the head, or of the body (you only know the centre of mass of the Head + Body, which you can find easily by sliding the pivot along the body until balanced)

2) You don't know the weight of the body. Your equation

HEAD = .5(BODY - ADDED)

requires the weight of the BODY. But if you know that, you may as well just weigh yourself, then subtract BODY. Clearly obtaining BODY is the same problem as obtaining HEAD.

-0-
zodiac @ 152.31.228.13 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 14-Apr-04/8:24 AM | Reply
I meant body including head. Desimplified, the equation is
HEAD + ADDEDWEIGHT = 1/2(TOTAL SYSTEM) = 1/2(TORSOARMSLEGS + HEAD + ADDEDWEIGHT)

You can find your (TORSOARMSLEGS + HEAD) weight by stepping on a scale.

Lying prone would present additional problems, as you'd need to guess the weight of your feet (farther from the pivot), legs, ass, etc. I tried to correct by having the body (not counting head) vertical and assuming its center of mass would be pretty equivalent to the head's center of mass. This is crap, of course.

I'm now working on a system that involves spinning the subject rapidly around different parts of his body and measuring the centrifugal force. But I'm not working very hard on it.

-0-
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 81.86.113.159 > zodiac | 14-Apr-04/9:31 AM | Reply
My method is to guess a number and then pray as hard as I can to Jesu to see if he grants me a wish for guessing correctly.
Praying won't work unless you encrypt your prayers. Otherwise -=MUSLIM=- will intercept them and use the Ramamadan spell to define the weight of the head as (Whatever you guess) + 1.
Ramamadan is an 18th level wizard spell but -=MUSLIM=- is only a 14th level cleric and a 5th level Bard. Anyway JESU can use the Helmet of True Seeing, so it still works.
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 163.1.146.114 > zodiac | 14-Apr-04/11:25 AM | Reply
Lying prone doesn't add additional problems. Doing it upsidedown standing on your neck is pointless. How do you know how far over to tilt your torso and legs? You want its centre of mass to be in the same place as the centre of mass of your head (which is why you can simply use your 1/2 * TOTAL_SYSTEM equation), so you need to know the centre of mass of the HEAD, and of the TORSOARMSLEGS. But given these you can obtain the result just as easily lying prone. Observe,

Let X be the centre of mass of the HEAD
Let Y be the centre of mass of the TORSOARMSLEGS
Let Z be the weight of the body

Lying prone, with the pivot at the neck and weight ADDEDWEIGHT positioned on the head's centre of mass (ie on its face) to balance the system, we can find HEAD as follows:

Consider these two equations (the first is obtained by equating moments, the second is just the fact that HEAD + TORSOARMSLEGS is the weight of the whole body)

(1) (HEAD + ADDEDWEIGHT) * X = TORSOARMSLEGS * Y
(2) HEAD + TORSOARMSLEGS = Z

There are two unknowns - HEAD and TORSOARMSLEGS - and two equations. So we can solve (1) and (2) to obtain HEAD as required.

-0-
yep. that's gross. you win.
anonymous @ 195.157.153.253 > anonymous | 6-May-04/2:26 AM | Reply
Nudge nudge wink wink
Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 7-Apr-04/7:37 PM | Reply
I would like to add that anyone with red hair should be additionally penalized.
zodiac @ 67.240.192.246 > Shuushin | 7-Apr-04/8:51 PM | Reply
May I ask what's that about? I've been civil to you since the famous semicolon thing, affectionate even. Yet you post nasty comments about me on the comments page and now you suggest this on a string that clearly doesn't apply to me since I weigh only 145 pounds. Come on, Shuushin, what about our... thing? Did it mean nothing to you?
Shuushin @ 147.154.235.52 > zodiac | 8-Apr-04/5:40 AM | Reply
Hey, I weigh 145 too! Guess what color my hair is.
zodiac @ 67.240.155.144 > Shuushin | 8-Apr-04/8:41 AM | Reply
Woah, I just had a flashback to when I was a single white female.

I'm curious, which one of these did you find? And how?

http://yitzhakcackstein.tripod.com/cack.html
Shuushin @ 147.154.235.52 > zodiac | 8-Apr-04/8:21 AM | Reply
whats the nasty comment, btw?
zodiac @ 67.240.155.144 > Shuushin | 8-Apr-04/8:43 AM | Reply
Editing/deleting my comments, which is my own prerogative and usually for a good reason, like being suddenly smitten with a modicum of sense.
Shuushin @ 147.154.235.52 > zodiac | 8-Apr-04/10:08 AM | Reply
Just observations, a little light poking in the rancour style. We'll always have Paris.
Shuushin @ 147.154.235.51 > zodiac | 9-Apr-04/6:51 AM | Reply
How familiar are you with Greek mythology?
zodiac @ 67.240.155.158 > Shuushin | 9-Apr-04/9:38 PM | Reply
Yes.
zodiac @ 67.240.192.58 > zodiac | 10-Apr-04/6:39 AM | Reply
Enough to know that Jeremi B. Handrinos wasn't really a crack-addicted man-whore in L.A. It's just a supernatural explanation for certain inexplicable natural phenomena.
anonymous @ 68.9.128.195 > zodiac | 18-Apr-04/3:50 PM | Reply
he's not addicted so much as addickted
anonymous @ 195.157.153.253 > anonymous | 6-May-04/2:05 AM | Reply
*PARP*
Shuushin @ 147.154.235.53 | 21-Apr-04/8:27 AM | Reply
oatmeal
anonymous @ 195.157.153.253 | 29-Apr-04/8:55 AM | Reply
Did we scare off violetsuede? I can't believe she left without a leaving rant.
anonymous @ 195.157.153.253 | 6-May-04/2:24 AM | Reply
Nudge nudge wink wink
anonymous @ 195.157.153.253 | 6-May-04/2:24 AM | Reply
Nudge nudge wink wink




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