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A Hancock Fanatic Writes (Free verse) by Nicholas Jones
Well, stone me! I've come up
With a theory. Alone, by myself,
Me, colour-supplement educated me,
Who, like a distorted Henry's Cat,
(who knows everything about nothing,
And not too much about that)
knows a little about
Many things. I can debate
All the leading topics of the day,
But only with information gleaned
From the front page of the Daily Mirror
Or the opening bongs of News at Ten.
Anyway, my theory, it goes like this:
There are two types of people in this world,
Firsty, there's your A-type, and they are like
Bill Kerr, Sid James or Hattie Jacques.
Every week, they are always the same,
Never able to break out of their
Defining characteristics, will always be
Lazy and Australian
Crooked and devious
Or just female and fat.
These people always play
The same version of themselves
And are not able, or permitted,
To change.
Then, there's your B-type,
Exemplified by Kenneth Williams or,
In the later TV series, Hugh Lloyd:
They are new people every week,
Changing identity as the plot dictates,
Always different, new, free
From the shackles of determinism,
But yet, somehow,
Also always the same -
Same comic voice and general syle,
'Stop messing about!' he might say,
As registrar, mechanic,
Or when accidentally on the
Outside of an aeroplane.
On the whole, I'd rather be Bill Kerr,
Because he called Hancock 'Tub',
And slept till three in the afternoon,
Refusing to change his watch
From Australian to British time.
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