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Anfal: Our 9/11 happened many times over (Free verse) by kawakurdi
I do not remember for whom I cried the last time
I do not remember the last instance when I was with myself
When I was with my self's sorrows
When I was the lone friend of my lonely loneliness
When I was the intimate mate of my desire-full inner soul
When I was with myself for myself
When I was my self's self,
Was MYSELF.
Oh, if only for one hour, one minute, one second,
I could see myself in the clear mirror of my inner Self
And if I could talk to myself with the pure words of Self
If I could listen to those music-less melodies
To those secrets of secret mysteries
What colour they might be
The colour of me without me
What sound could they be
The sound of my mute party
What Existence could Absolute Idea be
What Idea could Absolute Existence be
What taste could the Soul have
What Soul could the loneliness of solitary souls be?
I do not remember the last time I said good-bye to you
I do not remember the last time I missed you
I do not remember the last time I upset you
I do not remember your last meeting, last smile, last breath, last looks,
Last sigh, last sorrow, last desire, last prayer,
I do not remember when I forgot you
How I forgot you
But I remember how I wore you
How my soul was dressed in your image
How my sighs breathed you in
How my eyes met a pair of eyes
That opened the gates of an epic
I remember when I became fond of you
From beyond existence,
I became the shadow of your existence,
You became the shadow of my existence,
My shy loneliness,
My sad solitariness,
Rested in your arms
My heart dwelt in yours
My soul was revived by yours.
I do not remember when I was me,
When I was with me for me,
But I remember I was myself in your love,
I could cry,
I knew how to laugh,
I was able to die,
Time was in my hands,
Place was on my shoulders,
Life was a simple pain.
Now away from you, dreams process my soul,
I put my head on the mist of your breast,
And listen to the withered whispers of your heart
I travel to a world I have never seen before
I have never passed through it even accidentally
Nor heard of it by word of mouth
Nor read about it in books and epics
Where did this come from?
This non-material phenomenon,
This non-existential looks,
What a wonderful world it is
How unique and peerless it is
It is dream, it is the Self's self,
It is inner image,
It is the root of rootless consciousness
It is the beginning of no-beginning
It is the First's First
The non-existence of Existence
The Existence of non-existence
It is a grain of soil,
A worm,
A Universe
A Mystery
A Myth
Who can catch shade?
Who can hunt the sunrays?
Who can chase the wind?
Who can catch a dream, measure a dream,
Jail a dream, hang a dream?
Dream is man-in-God,
Dream is God-in-Man
It is I in you
It is you in a me-less me.
It is consciousness with no boundaries
It is the infinity of sub-consciousness
I do not remember the last time I forgot you
But my thoughtlessness is your thought
My selflessness is your self
All my dreamlands are your home
All my homes are your dreamland
Are you an entity without identity?
Are you an existence with no ingredients?
Or are you eternity in ideas,
Or are you ideas in eternity?
Or just a fading memory
In my trouble-ridden heart?
Or a living twilight,
In the remote sky of my then-town?
Or a buried-alive woman of Anfal
Or a heroine in the Zewa camp,
Islamic butchers play with your body
To make sandwiches for your kids?
The bosses call you a a prostitute
And their men set you a goal for their guns?
What entity, what destiny are you, my heart?
I do not remember the last time I cried for you.
I do not remember for whom I cried last time,
For Hiwa, for Hemin, for Hama, for Misto,
For Chato, for Karwan, for Pari, for Shirin,
for Kajal, for Gulala, for Jiyan, for Hero?
For whom did I cry last time?
For Azad, how many Azads, which Azad?
For Mahabad, how many Mahabads, which Mahabad?
For Farhad, how many Farhads, which Farhad?
I do not know for whom I cried last time?
Did I cry for all and in crying for all I cried for you?
Or did I cry for you alone, and in crying for you I cried for all?
Or did I collect the mud of the word, paste it on my face,
And my head became hard clay?
Then, I could cry no more,
I lost energy to tremble,
I had no breath to shout,
I became a living shadow
In a dead world?
Really, why did I cry last time?
Was it for Marga, for Kani Tu,
For Sargalu, for Bargalu,
For Halabja, for Sharazur,
For Khalifan, for Mergasur,
For Qaradagh, for Garmiyan,
For Barwari, for Badinan?
For which town, which townlet,
Which morning, which dawn, which sunshine.
Which mountain, which village, which meadow,
Which orchard, which springwater, which oaktree?
I do not know how many tears were left
For my heart-town Qaladiza?
I do not know for which lover I cried last time,
The death of which baby shocked me,
The coffin of which body stunned me,
The name of which village unsettled my heart
I do not know who extinguished the flame of my blood,
Who read prayers of hatred on my body,
And said to me.
Now we have cut off all the roots of your life,
We have destroyed everything that you loved,
Die, man, die!!
Or turn exile into the burden of death
And carry it on your shoulders
From this station to another,
From this island to another.
Outside world is a dry barren tree,
Look for yourself in yourself,
Remember your last time
What you were, who you were,
Where you were,
Were you existent or non-existent
Were you a one or a two
Were you a bowl, or a magic
Were you death or history?
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