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Snow (Free verse) by no9schmack
I pass by and notice the white tops The faithful wind blowing you into place Where will you land? Shall it be a tree branch, A bush, or maybe just the ground. I stand looking out a window Wanting to be moistened By your ever sweet innocence and caring nature But just as you came from the sky Falling impatiently down. I am unable to be there, Whether it be me, or whether it be you Unable to come to me. We meet not. My desire to be with you increases. As your appearance builds up around me Unable to play in your beauty For just as I go to sleep seeing you there By morning you will have passed. Never have I a chance to embrace Your sweet cool love nor to Feel the texture of your heart. For at the end I can say I am thankful To have seen you through the window

Up the ladder: genious
Down the ladder: LONG LONG WAY TO GO

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 3.0
Weighted score: 4.462117
Overall Rank: 12874
Posted: August 18, 2002 8:07 PM PDT; Last modified: August 19, 2002 7:57 AM PDT
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Comments:
[2] poetandknowit @ 65.101.212.144 | 18-Aug-02/9:53 PM | Reply
Get rid of the typos. Some of the language is trite.
[n/a] no9schmack @ | 19-Aug-02/7:57 AM | Reply
Thanks. Done
[6] Tarquin De La Bog @ 213.1.45.14 | 19-Aug-02/2:02 PM | Reply
Very average. 6. It's actually written rather well in my opinion, but I think that the major problem is the subject matter; I don't think anybody could write a love poem about snow without the overriding smell of naffness and cheese rising through the house.
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