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a lie (Free verse) by tre I feel guilty. I'm not really listening.
I pretend to care. My mind is elsewhere.
Sometimes it hurts too much to say I miss you,
because I don't always mean it.
I go silent. No answer.
If I say I miss you, I'm talking about someone else.
I look to you for comfort and love,
because I can't get it from him.
I long for something true. Do I love you?
Am I using you?
Up the ladder:
Seasonal Love
Down the ladder:
Quiet Hands
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.3333335
Posted: March 27, 2004 11:48 PM PST; Last modified: March 27, 2004 11:48 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.3585887 Overall Rank: 3318 Comments:
I don't mind the questions at the end. The whole poem is a question unanswered. It's actually very clearly stated, but for a poem I'd try for sweeter sounding prose.
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I'll suggest to extend it slightly so that you don't end on a question - this is not a good way to end (a difficult thing to do well).