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Inside Out (Free verse) by etherealmaiden
Dark places Hatred in faces Tears at night An endless fight Lonely, forgotten hours Lovely, dead flowers Depression, a room in your heart Taking over, part by part First the brain, the ears, the eyes Then the mouth begins to tell lies “I’m fine, i’m okay” is what you say But it isn’t what you meant to convey Soon it’s “just leave me alone!” Friends – like parts falling- you wish you could have sewn Them back next to you But you can’t You see people pointing Their faces evil and daunting And as you are walking You hear people talking About you and your attitude People become rude Friends become foes Happy highs go to awful lows Inside you are crying Outside you pretend, you are lying You appear proud and arrogant But that isn’t what you meant You wanted, expected them to see your pain Know that Inside everything is messed up, insane But they can’t see that Because on the outside everything “is fine”

Up the ladder: Caprice
Down the ladder: Weather

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Weighted score: 5.0
Overall Rank: 7987
Posted: February 29, 2004 12:36 PM PST; Last modified: February 29, 2004 12:36 PM PST
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Comments:
[n/a] zodiac @ 67.240.155.52 | 1-Mar-04/7:08 AM | Reply
This is a textbook of overused rhymes - places/faces, night/fight, hours/flowers, eyes/lies, walking/talking, crying/lying, pain/insane, and so on. That's not your fault though, and it'll take care of itself as you read more poetry.

Sewing your friends back onto you was a really great imgae and caught me off-guard. I don't know if that's a common phrase, but I've never heard it before. If it's an original, then bravo.
[8] meektiger15 @ 216.109.10.61 | 2-Mar-04/6:27 AM | Reply
Good Job ^.^!
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