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Passion is (Free verse) by fevriere Outside I am watching futilely for a very long time and life goes round
like prose and just as
"I DEMAND to know the Narrator" I know that all will
c
o
l
lapsePASSION ISasPASSION DOES
and everything wrong
(secrets spring up like wildflower weeds,
coughing up accidental clandestine blooms)
soon everyone will know and someone will taste the whispering song
people will know I thinkthatPASSION ISas passion does
so
"STROKE ME "
I admit.
Up the ladder:
Homage
Down the ladder:
Aisle by the bread counter
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Posted: February 27, 2004 1:46 AM PST; Last modified: February 27, 2004 1:46 AM PSTWeighted score: 4.9525743 Overall Rank: 8804 Comments:
The first few lines show a certain potential. 'Outside I am watching and life goes round/ like prose and just as'
The rest is a bit off, but reading the entire submissions of a day. Something like this sticks out.
So is that good? Not damning, I guess. I think you just like reading a poem with unpredictable linesbreaks and big spaces.
But maybe I'm wrong about that. ;D Well, that's constructive, at least. Ta. 185 view(s)
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(the collapse thing is a bit naff and 'stroke me'?)