My knuckles were shredded, and torn to the bone My fingers too shaky to grasp at the knob My blood turned grease slippery My shrieks became sobs Nevertheless, you never answered Your ghost never came The wind still holds that infant's voice To mimic all my shame <fainting naked> I leaned upon the pillar, and Samson came to mind But hair is not my strength Nor the cornmeal i'm to grind Now i know that i'm a salesman Who has never earned commission A solicitor unpaid, and left with a decision To stand here, waiting in remission Or, rather down that road For one more door i guess i'm wishing oh, my gun, i must, reload Bought that sucker through Morse code <fainting naked alot> reallity sets in i have a metallic taste in my mouth i can also vaguely hear an ice cream truck down on the other block.. i think and birds chirping? yes, birds i open my eyes half in the door half out but isn't this my house? two young latter day saints are hauling ass down the road. i must have answered the door and collapsed with my wrist rocket out again. shit the thought that i might have a brain tumor crosses my mind great naked, and bleeding from a nasty gash in my head. i yell out to the bike riding (shrieking) helmeted boys "wait! guys!, i was just kidding!" "come back!" "i'm sure we can find something else to talk about!" no reply. the ice cream truck grows nearer and nearer.. i sure could go for a bomb pop right about now. <fainting naked alot, and River does too> <nothing is private, goodbye sweet Idaho>" /> My knuckles were shredded, and torn to the bone My fingers too shaky to grasp at the knob My blood turned grease slippery My shrieks became sobs Nevertheless, you never answered Your ghost never came The wind still holds that infant's voice To mimic all my shame <fainting naked> I leaned upon the pillar, and Samson came to mind But hair is not my strength Nor the cornmeal i'm to grind Now i know that i'm a salesman Who has never earned commission A solicitor unpaid, and left with a decision To stand here, waiting in remission Or, rather down that road For one more door i guess i'm wishing oh, my gun, i must, reload Bought that sucker through Morse code <fainting naked alot> reallity sets in i have a metallic taste in my mouth i can also vaguely hear an ice cream truck down on the other block.. i think and birds chirping? yes, birds i open my eyes half in the door half out but isn't this my house? two young latter day saints are hauling ass down the road. i must have answered the door and collapsed with my wrist rocket out again. shit the thought that i might have a brain tumor crosses my mind great naked, and bleeding from a nasty gash in my head. i yell out to the bike riding (shrieking) helmeted boys "wait! guys!, i was just kidding!" "come back!" "i'm sure we can find something else to talk about!" no reply. the ice cream truck grows nearer and nearer.. i sure could go for a bomb pop right about now. <fainting naked alot, and River does too> <nothing is private, goodbye sweet Idaho>" />
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Going to River Phoenix in my mind (Free verse) by horus8
On the way across the narrow bridge A wind with foresight gathered The bridge's wires tightened tautly But, what is taut to a man in the loop of slack? There's not a shimmer winking nor blinking up high A cover of absolute darkness absorbed my eyes Although the water below shared with not one noise I still knew it was there, swirling and poised <faint> Behind my gait lurched torment and confusion Up ahead and undiscovered My future's forbidden Although I knocked as a guest to the door The echo fell gently as a feather to floor I begged and I screamed, "Won't you please let me in?" Because without my person present How will my next day begin? However, the host did not appear Nor, send the servant to attend My needs were not so many For the wisdom he could lend <fainting> My knuckles were shredded, and torn to the bone My fingers too shaky to grasp at the knob My blood turned grease slippery My shrieks became sobs Nevertheless, you never answered Your ghost never came The wind still holds that infant's voice To mimic all my shame <fainting naked> I leaned upon the pillar, and Samson came to mind But hair is not my strength Nor the cornmeal i'm to grind Now i know that i'm a salesman Who has never earned commission A solicitor unpaid, and left with a decision To stand here, waiting in remission Or, rather down that road For one more door i guess i'm wishing oh, my gun, i must, reload Bought that sucker through Morse code <fainting naked alot> reallity sets in i have a metallic taste in my mouth i can also vaguely hear an ice cream truck down on the other block.. i think and birds chirping? yes, birds i open my eyes half in the door half out but isn't this my house? two young latter day saints are hauling ass down the road. i must have answered the door and collapsed with my wrist rocket out again. shit the thought that i might have a brain tumor crosses my mind great naked, and bleeding from a nasty gash in my head. i yell out to the bike riding (shrieking) helmeted boys "wait! guys!, i was just kidding!" "come back!" "i'm sure we can find something else to talk about!" no reply. the ice cream truck grows nearer and nearer.. i sure could go for a bomb pop right about now. <fainting naked alot, and River does too> <nothing is private, goodbye sweet Idaho>

Up the ladder: Worldcom

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.625
Weighted score: 5.43703
Overall Rank: 2993
Posted: August 14, 2002 5:24 PM PDT; Last modified: November 20, 2002 3:08 PM PST
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Comments:
[4] Tarquin De La Bog @ 62.6.114.118 | 14-Aug-02/5:39 PM | Reply
This suffers from trying too hard. 4. A poor opening is redeemed midway through the poem, only to come to a crashing and horribly messy end. I think you're confused as to how to write this one.
[n/a] horus8 @ | 14-Aug-02/6:07 PM | Reply
really? i just don't think you have jehova witnesses or mormans waking you up at 8:00 in the morning in england...get it now?..salesman....reversed epileptic fit...hard-on in the morning answering your door to children in uniform selling the word of god, scaring them away cuz your naked with wood and nut's..cuz you scare everyone away of late cuz you stay up day and night writing?...fucking forget it... go right about another sea for christs sake.. isn't there like 50 of those to chose from...mr. bog?
[7] brazen @ 12.90.42.110 | 15-Aug-02/8:52 AM | Reply
i thought the first half was about trying to drunkenly get into your house at night...but then my brain kicked in...leaves a funny mental image i must say...clever scamp.
[n/a] horus8 @ | 15-Aug-02/11:31 AM | Reply
it's a mad, mad mixture indeed...i definitely see how it could be the late night key jingle blues, but about 4 yrs ago i was doing alot of morphine and alot of writing, and things got really ugly..i would walk around naked with my sling shot and shoot oranges out of the neighbors trees....friends would check on me and stuff and my girlfriend would sometimes prep me a meal, but mostly people were giving me the sign of the cross. i would faint in mid conversation and collapse and piss on myself and stuff it was really over the top and self destructive, but perfect for getting salesman away from your door, or mormons or jehova witnesses, plus i did write alot.. that counts for something..i think. gout.crabs.gangrene.cherries.shrine.
[9] INTRANSIT @ 152.163.188.228 | 20-Nov-02/3:09 PM | Reply
Oh great king of the wierd pile,have a coke and a smoke.
[7] daniella @ 200.61.60.208 | 20-Nov-02/6:18 PM | Reply
i want some of that yellow bellied sap sucking juice in a cup next time you go out on that bridge, send some up!
[n/a] <~> @ 67.84.171.10 | 20-Nov-02/8:45 PM | Reply
three nice things i have to say about this rewrite:
cleaner. faster. stronger.

have a blow job. on me.
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