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Tide Pool (Free verse) by middenHeap
A stone was in my path, flecked with sea gold, with wave-rounded corners, with unexplainable smooth holes channelling through the heart of it, speckled with tiny black and purple living shells. It was that which I stopped to examine, squatting on my heels 'till the shadow of the rock lengthened to the edge of the waves, trying to puzzle out a meaning in the movement of the tiny purple-legged crabs living in the lee of the rock, in the waving slow tentacles of the fleshy thing in the deep part of the pool: waving, still, waving, still anemone, anemone anemone, Laughing at the lazy clown-faced fish hovering in the midst of the fleshy arms like some kind of sex, 'till the shadows vanished in a general darkness, and I stayed there still, listening to the sea which had come up to the pool and the rock, once and gone back again while I lingered. And while I waited there an odd man in overalls came by with a bucket and shone a strange dim light (purple!) past my back and the pool and the rock exploded in cold neon fire, purple, intense blue-white and cold, cold neon orange, a dozen times more moving things than I had ever noticed all day in the sun. The man moved on with his light, I saw him place some slowly-kicking glowing thing into that bucket of darkness and finally I rose and wandered home.

Up the ladder: Overheard in a crypt:

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Weighted score: 5.119203
Overall Rank: 5823
Posted: January 18, 2004 1:32 PM PST; Last modified: January 18, 2004 1:32 PM PST
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Comments:
[9] zodiac @ 67.240.192.208 | 18-Jan-04/9:14 PM | Reply
God, it seems like all I've done is complain about posts today. It's not that. It's just that it's easier but maybe not better to get the compliments out of the way and get to the suggestions. So - it's good. I just got hung up on 'till instead of until and the word 'thing' in the end. Anything but thing and you could be Elizabeth Bishop and a bag of chips.
[n/a] Goad @ 213.61.217.3 > zodiac | 19-Jan-04/6:28 AM | Reply
Hmm, why does "thing" bug you?

The pome is intended as a metaphor about the interaction between big-R Romantic & RatMat, or Science. Note it's ambivalent & doesn't claim either mode is intrinsically better than the other. So it's a thing to the Romantic narrator, he hasn't the nomenclature the collector likely has.

You're right about 'till though. Silly affectation. I will change it.
[9] zodiac @ 67.240.192.197 | 19-Jan-04/9:19 AM | Reply
Goad - are you actually everybody posting on this site? There are better non-specific words for thing. More descriptive. It's just jarring.
[n/a] Goad @ 213.61.217.3 > zodiac | 19-Jan-04/9:48 AM | Reply
Everybody? No, that would be horus8 & darkangel. I am only a trinity.
[9] zodiac @ 152.30.11.107 | 19-Jan-04/10:42 AM | Reply
THING n.: creature, critter, varmint, blossom, organism, monster, monstrosity, shape, mollusk, structure, octopod, myriapod, phyllopod, shell, bivalave, body, brute.
[n/a] Goad @ 80.132.184.208 > zodiac | 19-Jan-04/4:13 PM | Reply
Not to bore the bystanders, shall we continue this discussion in limerick form? So:

"you shouldn't have used the word thing"
comes a voice from th' ecliptical ring
but varmint & critter
don't hardly seem fitter
lest I too far to the plebian swing.
[9] zodiac @ 67.240.192.85 > Goad | 19-Jan-04/5:26 PM | Reply
A trinity don't make a chorus,
(nor for that do darkangel and horus...)
when the choir - though patrician -
leaves some of us wishin'
that one of them owned a thesaurus.

(I'd have done better, but my spondee's rusty.)
[n/a] penguin fiend @ 216.207.132.92 > zodiac | 19-Jan-04/6:17 PM | Reply
Keep writing man, down with the thing!
[n/a] Goad @ 80.132.178.253 > zodiac | 20-Jan-04/1:42 AM | Reply
Since my "thing" seems to arouse your attention
I'm left with a dark apprehension
I will keep to bright paths
(and stay away from the baths)
So we don't risk any further accension.
[n/a] Goad @ 80.132.178.253 > zodiac | 20-Jan-04/1:58 AM | Reply
Your attack on my "thing" is so vicious
That it leaves me quite frankly suspicious
that you think something's wrong
with both my song & my dong
But I assure you my "thing" is delicious
[9] zodiac @ 67.240.155.13 > Goad | 20-Jan-04/5:50 AM | Reply
You're not first to accuse me of gayness,
(Though your manner, as always, is heinous)
But here I should mention
I just don't have the penchant
And you don't know a "thing" from your anus
[n/a] Goad @ 80.132.178.253 > zodiac | 20-Jan-04/8:18 AM | Reply
Since you tire so quickly this session
I'll allow you to maintain your repression
But no-one is fooled
Because how well you tooled
Your replies constitutes a confession
[9] zodiac @ 67.240.155.13 > Goad | 20-Jan-04/6:06 AM | Reply
I've about had enough of this tussle
- give me one more reply and I'll hustle -
but if 'thing' has some gist
(a la Freud) that I've missed,
You could still call it cod, eel, or mussel.
[n/a] Goad @ 80.132.178.253 > zodiac | 20-Jan-04/8:17 AM | Reply
This modus of discourse is dear to me
And it's swell to find one who's a peer to me
To wrap up this round
I'll concede your crit sound
Though I doubt your advice will adhere to me
[9] zodiac @ 67.240.155.177 > Goad | 20-Jan-04/8:20 AM | Reply
Touche. It's been thrilling.
[n/a] Goad @ 80.132.178.253 > zodiac | 20-Jan-04/9:58 AM | Reply
a little late...

Well I see that this "thing"'s got you livid
And you're sure I should be much more vivid
But too long with thesaurus
Tends to frustrate and bore us
If you know which word's best than just give it.
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