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Benedict Arnold (Free verse) by Justone
The stuff of dreams you are magical air and crystal smoke, blowing through the mirrors of illusion A glimpse of the past Lessons for the future, A full-course feast, including cardboard beneath You made me choke you down and handed me a glass of poison to aid the flow Patted my back and kept your claws sheathed as I swallowed the wholeness of you, dryness and all one fell swoop of coordinated attacks slit my balloon, bleeding red as I fell down and down, the seams unraveling in my parachute

Up the ladder: Frenulum
Down the ladder: My long and dusty

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Weighted score: 5.0
Overall Rank: 8000
Posted: January 18, 2004 12:28 PM PST; Last modified: January 18, 2004 12:28 PM PST
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Comments:
[8] basit_i @ 161.184.180.43 | 18-Jan-04/10:48 PM | Reply
"crystal smoke", "cardboard beneath", "slit my balloon, bleeding red as i fell"---these scintillate.
"glimpse of past/lessons for future": too much approaching clichee. but, overall, good. salutations.
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