2 Faced

Member since 2003 · Posted 6 Jan 2004 · 2 comments

If only for a moment, you could see, what lies inside of me, Underneath it all, I've had the courage, to rise and not fall, From sadness and devastation, on my life, was revealed a revelation, From this moment on, you will see, Nothing but strength, coming from me, No more sadness, no more tears, Ill never have to realize, all my fears, Into the future, im determined to go, Haunted by the past, that still holds me so, I try to think about, the future so bright, But end up remembering, that endless night, How could someone so cruel be, to the innocent full of purity, In my mind confusion lies, deep down inside my heart cries, On the outside what you see, is just a cover up, For what's inside of me, The smile you see, the laughter you hear, Is just an act, to cover my fear, To everything there is two sides, But deep inside you something hides, Like a mask on your face, used to hide your disgrace!

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mean 6.20 weighted 5.14 rank 5400 views 187 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

2 comments

[10] singinkygal 9-Jan-04/7:15 PM Reply

Good poem Jay, I give it a 10

[2] LilMsLadyPoet 8-Jun-05/9:08 PM Reply

I am not familiar with the voting system...so was not sure of the number to choose. I chose a 2, to be nice. You may be a young person, and a new writer just starting out. The use of commas to break this up
(Into the future, im determined to go,
Haunted by the past, that still holds me so,
I try to think about, the future so bright,
But end up remembering, that endless night,) make one read this in a haulting manner...I suggest using commas only where they are needed, (or try thinking: where you would naturally pause). im should be I'm. I see a lot of small mistakes like this in the several pieces of yours that I have read, and it detracts from it. Other than that, personally, I wonder how old you are. You seem young...in content, subject matter and gramar/word usage. It just seems "immature" to me, all the way around. No depth.... I have read a billion mediocre pieces just like this one.