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The Gala Apple (Free verse) by peaceseeker
it was the nights of the dirty south men who migrated north to represent in this freezing paradise found disillusioned by fantasy and hard drugs here, where women are sisters sharing iced vodka free from the bartender with a rim coated in love with sweet sugar the white rasta man, dreadlocks, deep impersonated Jamaican accent drawling smokes out of a Gala apple punctured through the side sticker to the core stem picked smeared with cherry chapstick the eroticized transient panhandling thief snaps his fingers after shaking hands puts holes in walls the size of alarm clocks his threatening stare a sure sign of insanity all he has left to cling to is his indignant assertion that he is superior to all of humankind, everyone except his sister and mother not realizing that I am his sister and mother but I met a man superior to the transient thief among dirty south transplants and rasta men held his shoulders, kissed his chapsticked lips as he held out his hand to say goodnight

Up the ladder: corrupting me
Down the ladder: He

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.857143
Weighted score: 5.4994626
Overall Rank: 2737
Posted: November 14, 2003 10:52 AM PST; Last modified: November 14, 2003 10:53 AM PST
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Comments:
[8] richa @ 81.178.236.150 | 14-Nov-03/11:22 AM | Reply
nice descriptions, think it needs a main character if you are going to go into his psyche though with lines such as 'left to cling to his indignant assertion'.

Like the line breaks too
[9] <{Baba^Yaga}> @ 24.126.116.54 | 14-Nov-03/10:33 PM | Reply
I rather enjoyed this poem.
[7] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 15-Nov-03/12:17 AM | Reply
VEry dense. Too dense imho. A few real gems in there and I would have stuck with it if there was some satisfying payoff at the end (pretty much anything except a hand kissed goodnight).

Prolly five really good poems in there.

dig
them
out.

-7-
216 view(s)




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