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voyeur (Free verse) by richa
Peeling through a window of clear air like the stems of a daffodil, to see a girl, a boy, and a hired motel as plain as a shop front, this was not the scene she had built from the collected leaves, clumsy fingers, she bled like a cut and then washed, my hands are still wet.

Up the ladder: Ten
Down the ladder: Roll the dice (revised)

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 70
.. 10
.. 00
.. 01
.. 10
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 01
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 7.5384617
Weighted score: 6.855764
Overall Rank: 394
Posted: October 16, 2003 7:14 AM PDT; Last modified: October 16, 2003 7:14 AM PDT
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Comments:
[10] Tits @ 195.157.153.253 | 16-Oct-03/7:32 AM | Reply
Richard,

I think you should change "she bled like a cut" to "she bled like a cunt".

Then it would rhyme with the previous line "as plain as a shop front"

Your friend,

doug
[n/a] richa @ 81.178.247.79 > Tits | 16-Oct-03/7:39 AM | Reply
The rhyme was so well inferred I felt I didn't need to.
[6] ?-Dave_Mysterious-? @ 163.1.234.221 | 16-Oct-03/8:39 AM | Reply
Will these hands ne'er be dry?
[10] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 16-Oct-03/1:27 PM | Reply
I bet they are.
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