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Die (Free verse) by Artemis745 I bleed into the fountain,
And watch the water turn,
An almost golden crimson,
As I watch the fresh cut burn.
My eyes deceived me,
My mouth went dry,
My life has ended,
I'd been left to die.
Up the ladder:
Horus's Musical Instrument of Torment
Down the ladder:
Absolution
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.8
Posted: October 10, 2003 6:00 PM PDT; Last modified: October 10, 2003 6:00 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.2145653 Overall Rank: 4355 Comments:
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I like it - I would like it more if the word "almost" killed itself.
maybe replace it with another modifier. like "gentle", or sumfin.