Replying to a comment on:
Die
(
Free verse
) by
Artemis745
I bleed into the fountain, And watch the water turn, An almost golden crimson, As I watch the fresh cut burn. My eyes deceived me, My mouth went dry, My life has ended, I'd been left to die.
Shuushin
11-Oct-03/5:37 AM
... and not a drop to drink.
I like it - I would like it more if the word "almost" killed itself.
maybe replace it with another modifier. like "gentle", or sumfin.
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