poemranker ::all in one day by peaceseeker

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 67377

all in one day

Member since 2003 · Posted 29 Sep 2003 · Edited 29 Sep 2003 · 3 comments

"spare some change ma'am" i kept walking, and to my back the old gray fat man said, "okay, well have a good day anyway" the peace man sits wishing passing cars peace and i found a note on the windshield of my car it said "tell that to Osama Bin Laden" (in referece to my anti-war bumper stickers) and I noticed the "military solutions are problems" sticker was especially frayed at the edges at a gas station, a local teenager yelled obsenities at a toddler (because she locked her out of the car) and at a stop light, an out-of-state black man pulled to the side of the road rage to get out and yell at the hick in a humongous pick-up truck "hey, you want a piece of me, man? cutting me off like that! you white trash, want a piece of me?" and my Jackson, Mississippi play-boy, armed and dangerous, carrying a knife, hocked a lugie on an SUV (ironically with intentions of being pro-earth) a big man started to get out of the SUV, until he saw the look on my friend's face, and thought better of the idea - good thing, too, because my friend thinks he's the "real thing" and he would have thought nothing of slitting his throat in "self-denfense" and you know what? my friend can leave his shoes and his weapons at the door the next time he comes to pick up his cash savings for rent and the schizo guy walks down the street like he's flying talking out-loud to himself, as i walk past, the other way.

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3 comments

[8] http://mulberryfairy 29-Sep-03/11:28 AM Reply
I love that "peace guy". Yeah, tell your friend to take his knife-bearing self back to Old Miss. Change that second to last line to say "talking to himself aloud" (or out loud, but without a dash). I think the last line is a little confusing, just say "as I pass him on the street" or something. Are you talking about that hallucinating man with the greasy hair and blue bandana?
[n/a] peaceseeker › http://mulberryfairy 1-Oct-03/6:51 AM Reply
Love the peace guy!!
Actually, my friend just got his wisdom teeth out yesterday, so needless to say, that slowed him down a bit.
The hallucinating man I'm talking about always wears many coat layers and a winter hat, he's probably in his twenties.
Thank you for the suggestions, I'll use them in my revision.
[10] dancin_n_da_moonlite 30-Dec-04/8:59 PM Reply
im not quite sure what to make of this - but i really really like it - 10!