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Half Empty, Half Whole (Free verse) by Rainbow_chaser Memories of times long past
lay heavy on my soul,
A life of utter loneliness
slowly takes its toll.
I hold a dream deep within, of a time
when we will reunite,
We have yet to meet in this life,
But we will feel it at first sight.
I call to you each night, Do you hear my
calls?, do you hear me plead?,
I yearn to fill the void, find completion
you hold everything left that i need.
Times are tough but i still hold dear,
to the time when we shall meet,
With you and I working as a team
there is no challenge we cannot beat.
Come to me my love, i ache to find
a home im your embrace,
Our hearts will become as one again
When we come face to face.
So until that day my love,
I shall sit patiently and wait,
For i want you and only you
My other half, my soul mate
??Autumn Dawe
Up the ladder:
minute
Down the ladder:
7-11-02
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.8333335
Posted: July 29, 2002 11:17 AM PDT; Last modified: July 29, 2002 11:17 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.9551764 Overall Rank: 8686 Comments:
[n/a]
vulcan @ 213.29.12.17
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22-Aug-02/10:56 AM
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Reply
SIMPLISTIC
Anytime you start a poem out with something weighing on the "soul," you are setting up a scenario of melodramatic failure. The whole "Woe is Me" style seems dated and our language gives us so many other options. I understand the sentiment is genuine, but the actual poem is a bit youthful and doesn't really amount to much but a good attempt.
ah youthful even at 23 when writting this poem i dont recall feeling youthful but it is a wonderful thought. I just felt i had to respond to the comment you left here, to me it sounded like you were implying weighing of the soul set you up as being a failure... was this correct? I disagree with the woe is me comment as well. Perhapes if i had left this poem in hopes of some attention to how i was feeling at this low point in my life then i could see your point, but being a person who just writes to move emotion i disagree. Could you tell me honestly that you have never experianced situations that have weighed your soul so to speek?. ... perhaps not and your diffrent from the rest of us, hats off to you then. lol
what im getting at here is that growth can come from moving emotion on a seemingly hopeless situation a persone may be faced with, obviously at this time i felt very lonely, and that i felt asthough i was on a search for a needle in a haystack, yes i felt hopeless, i felt like turning my back and giving up... but simply writting this very simple rather boring poem, i gave myself a key to unlock the emotion.... therefore moving the deperate feeling of lonelyness and the urge to give up, . let me ask you this have you ever felt like you were up against the whole world....and all you had the energy left to do, was crawl into bed and nap? i can tell you this, when i write i write with ever fiber of my core, and move pure emotion, openly and honestly, i leave it for a day or two, come back and read over what i wrote. do you know what i get from this? a peek into myself, without denials or doubt or shame, no front no bullshit just pure emotion, by rereading what i have written i can then see it from a diffrent stand point, and see what it is i need to do to move forward. Hell im my own damn shrink :D and the price is much more affordable. lol ~Autumn P.S~ just one more thing, maybe not all of us post our writting in hopes of making it big as writters, alot of us post our writtings in hopes of making it by, in life. Or i know i do.
Don't be ridiculous. If you write to get rid of an emotional block (whatever overblown, melodramatic and ultimately meaningless buncombe that is) then when you have finished simply throw it in the bin. You have moved the emotional block and we all hear no more about it.
I understand that you haver managed to distil emotion to its purest form, ace. If I had read this poem without you telling me this I would have thought it was just another bumbling misappropriation of the English language. Now that you have used the magic words fibre, core and pure, I understand how wrong I would have been. The reason weighing on the soul is wrong is because the soul is an abstract idea that you have made no attempt to get to grips with. You have merely said 'soul' which you believe is enough to evoke some kind of empathy for your deep suffering. It isn't. By the way 'writters' is spelt 'writers'. The word you attempted is aptly enough as close to witters as writers. 159 view(s)
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