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Your face My crucifix To pray, plead and worship on. Embedded in my mind Like a Sin With enough guilt To make the Catholics tremble And in this - I must confess That I still love you. When did the memories Reduce me to this moment? Each breath I take Some silent longing For the way things used to be. I can't even blink Without the image Of your lips on my skin. And clocks no longer exist in my world Time is simply how long I can stand the memory - Of the way you moved Inside me - Before collapsing into dreams Of a knife - That I tore through your heart Again. And Again. And Again. But forgiveness will not come to you. Jesus made it So that God Still smiles upon me. It doesn't mean that you will, though. I would wear a crown of thorns And bleed... If it meant that you would look at me The way you used to. You could nail me up yourself - Every stroke of the hammer - A tribute To any hurt I may have caused you. Still - It wouldn't make you change your mind And it wouldn't erase A single mistake That leads me back to - Now. You are no God No holy Martyr You were named for an Angel, But you are dark and desecrated Like me. Yet I have trembled in your presence And have worshipped you Like the truest of believers I have wept every night For more than a year, Begged for your mercy, And prayed For your grace And still, Your eyes stare right through me. Love is the simplist of things. No force on earth could break it As long as the belief in its beauty stays true. And I knew - From the moment I saw you This was a forever kind of thing. But there comes a time When even someone like me - Stops believing and loses faith. 5-30-03