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Unloving Stranger (Other) by sweetiewanie
The day I first saw you, you looked upon me in despair, Short huffy breaths you took, your look a cold hard glare, Our eyes met once, you turned your head away, And every time you had the chance, hatred your voice’d portray. Though I was still young, much oblivious to the world, I heard no lullaby being sung, I was left untouched, cold and curled, The warmth from you I never felt, love meant nothing to me, My desperate grasps you never held, you locked your heart and threw the key. When I finally understood, the true meaning of love, I shouted as loud as I could, you spanked me with a baseball glove, The sullen waves of misery, crashed upon my heart, I went all sad and shivery; you pushed me away too hard. For now you would’ve regretted, whatever you did to me, In your condition; old and battered, I wouldn’t have cared less for thee, The flashbacks were still nightmares; I’d woken up all sweaty, But thinkingof being your heir, I fell asleep instantly. The day you finally went away, the joy I felt at last, I stayed in bed throughout the day, a thought then struck me fast, I looked at myself in the mirror, a reflection so hard and cold, The same look I could remember, a long, long time ago. I realized that I didn’t know, how to even love, Hey, stranger! You never taught me though; I couldn’t pet a dove, I felt as if I never knew you; our bond was never made, A stranger I would call you, love never to be displayed. It was now my turn to regret, not helping us get through, This is what I got, for not trying to help you, Our lives were never happy, we were always glum, Yo, stranger! I’m so sorry, sorry....... my dear Mum.

Up the ladder: \The Moment/
Down the ladder: S.lobster vs. G.madcow

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Weighted score: 4.880797
Overall Rank: 10122
Posted: August 26, 2003 7:04 AM PDT; Last modified: August 26, 2003 7:04 AM PDT
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Comments:
[7] richa @ 81.86.49.110 | 26-Aug-03/9:10 AM | Reply
probably should not include thee in a poem just to rhyme.

There is an awful lot to sort through here, and it feels like you could shorten it and strengthen its essence.

the surprise at the end is made good by the reference to heir earlier on (I had presumed it was some rich bloke) and then it clicked.
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