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Candle Lit Night (Free verse) by LuckyJoe
A gentle breeze making sweet harmony, Hear it sing, closer causing our unite, Dancing upon our senses, feel the delicate tingle, This dark night everything existing feels right. Allowing it to concur… Without resistance, no reason to fight the darkness, Unable to see the presence of you, Fingertips linger upon your body, Igniting a warm caressing sensual presence. Perfection is said to be false hope, Refuse to listen to this reality, Here, right now… that’s perfection, Candles dance erotic flame, Dull light echoes the walls silently seducing, Ideals of escaping long since passed, Pleased to stay, forever and a day. Your porcelain face etched with yellowish glow, Reaching to touch with tender hands, Brush away the silken hair from skin so fair, Looking upon to please with a smile, In return yours lights the night, As beaming eyes mesmerize, Beauty abounds greater than that of the stars. Again to wish for another candle lit night. So this, the axis of life can be revolved.

Up the ladder: Metrosexuality

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.5
Weighted score: 5.0596013
Overall Rank: 6694
Posted: August 23, 2003 1:04 AM PDT; Last modified: August 23, 2003 1:04 AM PDT
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Comments:
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.163.145 | 23-Aug-03/1:37 AM | Reply
ok, good, i like the first draft, but we must consider:

GETTING RID OF THE CANDY COATED SUGAR FILLING!!!.. lots of shit here is not needed.

Hear it sing, <--- this was filler..

closer <--- inserted just to sound cool? bad bad bad!!!

This [dark] night {everything} [existing] feels right.
[Allowing it to concur…]

{} means: it might be better to get rid of it.
[] means: TRASH IT!!

man, the way im going, your poem will be a tap dancin midget!!! night is always dark bozo, ive been out of my house during the evenins ya know@!

[Allowing it to concur…] wtf? stop being fancy, if your going to be, atleast do it right!!!

i think you get my overall message.. i hope..


[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.163.145 | 23-Aug-03/1:41 AM | Reply
no reason to fight the darkness - how do you propose to do this? i know!!! A FLASHLIGHT!!

oooo i see two lover birds makin out!! quick, lars get the camera will ya??? i want to capture this moment for eternity!!
[5] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 23-Aug-03/8:00 PM | Reply
Christ, that was a tuna tube steak in a tuba on the tundra surrounded by tanya harding handrinos.
[n/a] LuckyJoe @ 216.248.118.243 > horus8 | 23-Aug-03/9:00 PM | Reply
And that tells me exactally what?
138 view(s)




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