poemranker ::The ONE by Eline

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Ode № 5999

The ONE

by Eline

Member since 2002 · Posted 25 Jul 2002 · 6 comments

I travelled through the nightmare For this dream that never ends I travelled far and wide For you my beautiful friend. Oh how far I've travelled And I stopped for none And how hard I've battled In everything I've done. I've seen you stand resplendent In your chariot of light You love the ones who love you And guide them through the night. All the things I've suffered To bask beneath your sun But every pain was worth it Because you are the ONE.

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mean 5.14 weighted 5.10 rank 6019 views 138 View voting details →

14 votes so far. Yours would make 15.14 votes so far

6 comments

[8] x311 25-Jul-02/1:49 PM Reply
Awww....how cute. I dig it. Rhyming pattern is pretty basic (it's the same one I usually use for my improv comedy games), but I think it's cool
[4] pete 26-Jul-02/4:51 AM Reply
too many cliches following one from the other .... one per stanza would suffice :\
[4] nentwined 11-Sep-02/1:03 PM Reply
"beautiful" doesn't scan right. "And I stopped for none" doesn't scan right, either.

your ending, "because you are the ONE" really hurts the piece, I think.
[7] PawnedTidal 30-Sep-02/5:30 PM Reply
Effective.
[6] Nicholas Monson 4-Dec-02/4:35 AM Reply
Is this a poem for Jesus? Very Biblical all this business of "chariot of light".
[n/a] Eline › Nicholas Monson 4-Dec-02/12:23 PM Reply
It's actually for Krishna, but you're generally right.