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The ONE (Ode) by Eline I travelled through the nightmare
For this dream that never ends
I travelled far and wide
For you my beautiful friend.
Oh how far I've travelled
And I stopped for none
And how hard I've battled
In everything I've done.
I've seen you stand resplendent
In your chariot of light
You love the ones who love you
And guide them through the night.
All the things I've suffered
To bask beneath your sun
But every pain was worth it
Because you are the ONE.
Up the ladder:
Sugar Love
Down the ladder:
The Way It Is
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.142857
Posted: July 25, 2002 1:08 PM PDT; Last modified: July 25, 2002 1:08 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.104437 Overall Rank: 6022 Comments:
[8]
x311 @ 63.227.192.5
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25-Jul-02/1:49 PM
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Reply
Awww....how cute. I dig it. Rhyming pattern is pretty basic (it's the same one I usually use for my improv comedy games), but I think it's cool
too many cliches following one from the other .... one per stanza would suffice :\
"beautiful" doesn't scan right. "And I stopped for none" doesn't scan right, either.
your ending, "because you are the ONE" really hurts the piece, I think.
Effective.
Is this a poem for Jesus? Very Biblical all this business of "chariot of light".
It's actually for Krishna, but you're generally right.
138 view(s)
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