poemranker ::Sleep Well by jriemerm

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Free verse № 57

Sleep Well

Member since 2001 · Posted 16 Mar 2002 · 21 comments

Sometimes at night the birds forget what they are, how it works, and start to sing. They can't wait for the sun, or even believe in it. Sometimes the darkness begins to throb with color that curls around your sleeping body (a snake whose dream has wrapped around yours) and starts to squeeze. Sometimes you wake to a strange cry rising from a familiar throat, and the moon in your window sets aflame all the houses on your block except your own. Some nights the world revolves beneath the sky, which revolves inside the mind of God, whose every thought dissolves like salt on your tongue. Tonight, the birds are sleeping.

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mean 5.83 weighted 5.83 rank 1632 views 208 View voting details →

76 votes so far. Yours would make 77.76 votes so far

21 comments

[1] anonymous 30-Jun-01/3:39 PM Reply
interesting, incantatory. It's almost there.
[1] anonymous 29-Jul-01/6:36 PM Reply
Some BEAUTIFUL imagery
[9] nentwined 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM Reply
beautiful. I don't quite get the "dissolves like salt on your tongue", but I'm working on it. Some reference to a saying I don't get...? or just a complex idea? I like salt a lot. :) I *really especially* like "a snake whose dream has wrapped around yours" and "the world revolves beneath the sky, which revolves inside the mind"; "they can't wait [...] believe in it" seems a bit weak.
[1] anonymous 9-Sep-01/4:30 PM Reply
the thoughts flow so freely into each other... it surprized me
[1] anonymous 10-Apr-02/8:24 AM Reply
wow. this is beautiful. clarity.
[9] nentwined 10-May-02/9:23 AM Reply
ooh, yum yum yum. =)
[7] deleted user 11-May-02/2:31 AM Reply
The meaning is a little bit obscure, but I really like the imagery and how well you keep the theme (whatever it may be)throughout the whole poem.
[1] anonymous 17-May-02/9:48 AM Reply
The language here is so clean and vibrant. Nicely done.
[1] anonymous 19-May-02/1:07 AM Reply
wonderful....

the last line isn't quite at the standard of the rest (it's Ok, I haven't missed the point, I appreciate the gentle touch of now (the beauty of that), but ... I dunno, something.. if you feel it you can get it, if not, so what)
[9] deleted user 21-May-02/6:37 AM Reply
Wow... some really nice ideas...
[10] mikejedw 21-May-02/8:31 AM Reply
This is a really, really nice poem. It's great that you've introduced the use of "Sometimes/Some nights" to join a free verse poem together syntactically. The images are fresh and compelling.
[8] Amythest 31-May-02/1:49 PM Reply
Very well written, nice word usage!
[n/a] razorgrin 10-Jul-02/1:53 PM Reply
great imagery!
[10] RichardH 11-Jul-02/7:07 PM Reply
great poem...
[7] deleted user 23-Jul-02/2:53 AM Reply
i liked the last line..
[7] deleted user 23-Jul-02/2:54 AM Reply
i liked the last line..
[5] wunboi 23-Jul-02/4:48 AM Reply
It is very evocative of the sleep of poetic torment ,Well done
[10] horus8 9-Aug-02/1:07 AM Reply
this is a radical brash piece of proper teeth twisting writables.
YOU GET THE HORUS8 GOLDEN CUE-TIP AWARD FOR INSOMNIACS THAT CARE BROTHER. sleep well hitchcocks dead and so are the birds!10/10s
[8] Sigh'ense... 9-Aug-02/4:26 AM Reply
philosophical
[10] alexander 23-Aug-02/5:33 AM Reply
Sometimes-10/10
[9] Christof 23-Aug-02/5:44 AM Reply
This is great. May the birds always be sleeping.