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Sleep Well (Free verse) by jriemerm
Sometimes at night the birds forget what they are, how it works, and start to sing. They can't wait for the sun, or even believe in it. Sometimes the darkness begins to throb with color that curls around your sleeping body (a snake whose dream has wrapped around yours) and starts to squeeze. Sometimes you wake to a strange cry rising from a familiar throat, and the moon in your window sets aflame all the houses on your block except your own. Some nights the world revolves beneath the sky, which revolves inside the mind of God, whose every thought dissolves like salt on your tongue. Tonight, the birds are sleeping.


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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 53
.. 47
.. 49
.. 34
.. 010
.. 24
.. 02
.. 10
.. 22
.. 11
.. 66

Arithmetic Mean: 5.8289475
Weighted score: 5.8289475
Overall Rank: 1633
Posted: March 16, 2002 1:12 AM PST; Last modified: March 16, 2002 1:12 AM PST
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Comments:
[1]... anonymous @ | 30-Jun-01/3:39 PM | Reply
interesting, incantatory. It's almost there.
[1]... anonymous @ | 29-Jul-01/6:36 PM | Reply
Some BEAUTIFUL imagery
[9] nentwined @ | 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM | Reply
beautiful. I don't quite get the "dissolves like salt on your tongue", but I'm working on it. Some reference to a saying I don't get...? or just a complex idea? I like salt a lot. :) I *really especially* like "a snake whose dream has wrapped around yours" and "the world revolves beneath the sky, which revolves inside the mind"; "they can't wait [...] believe in it" seems a bit weak.
[1]... anonymous @ | 9-Sep-01/4:30 PM | Reply
the thoughts flow so freely into each other... it surprized me
[1]... anonymous @ | 10-Apr-02/8:24 AM | Reply
wow. this is beautiful. clarity.
[9] nentwined @ | 10-May-02/9:23 AM | Reply
ooh, yum yum yum. =)
[7] deleted user @ | 11-May-02/2:31 AM | Reply
The meaning is a little bit obscure, but I really like the imagery and how well you keep the theme (whatever it may be)throughout the whole poem.
[1]... anonymous @ 204.245.176.100 | 17-May-02/9:48 AM | Reply
The language here is so clean and vibrant. Nicely done.
[1]... anonymous @ 62.254.32.4 | 19-May-02/1:07 AM | Reply
wonderful....

the last line isn't quite at the standard of the rest (it's Ok, I haven't missed the point, I appreciate the gentle touch of now (the beauty of that), but ... I dunno, something.. if you feel it you can get it, if not, so what)
[9] deleted user @ 129.11.159.105 | 21-May-02/6:37 AM | Reply
Wow... some really nice ideas...
[10] mikejedw @ 66.47.86.4 | 21-May-02/8:31 AM | Reply
This is a really, really nice poem. It's great that you've introduced the use of "Sometimes/Some nights" to join a free verse poem together syntactically. The images are fresh and compelling.
[8] Amythest @ 205.188.200.138 | 31-May-02/1:49 PM | Reply
Very well written, nice word usage!
[n/a] razorgrin @ 142.166.109.52 | 10-Jul-02/1:53 PM | Reply
great imagery!
[10] RichardH @ 66.8.143.50 | 11-Jul-02/7:07 PM | Reply
great poem...
[7] deleted user @ 203.167.1.113 | 23-Jul-02/2:53 AM | Reply
i liked the last line..
[7] deleted user @ 203.167.1.113 | 23-Jul-02/2:54 AM | Reply
i liked the last line..
[5] wunboi @ 203.26.75.221 | 23-Jul-02/4:48 AM | Reply
It is very evocative of the sleep of poetic torment ,Well done
[10] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 9-Aug-02/1:07 AM | Reply
this is a radical brash piece of proper teeth twisting writables.
YOU GET THE HORUS8 GOLDEN CUE-TIP AWARD FOR INSOMNIACS THAT CARE BROTHER. sleep well hitchcocks dead and so are the birds!10/10s
[8] Sigh'ense... @ 66.214.7.233 | 9-Aug-02/4:26 AM | Reply
philosophical
[10] alexander @ 217.35.80.128 | 23-Aug-02/5:33 AM | Reply
Sometimes-10/10
[9] Christof @ 195.172.133.226 | 23-Aug-02/5:44 AM | Reply
This is great. May the birds always be sleeping.
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