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Lord of the Swines (Other) by <{Baba^Yaga}>
Pig-- But when you spoke to them were you luciferous?
Jew-- Ah, no, but I was almost zatetic.
Pig-- Fascinating, can I see what you look like
under that yashmak by the way?
Jew-- No, because it will cause xanthopsia.
Pig-- Woah, bummer, pass me a coconut and a
springroll please, and wash behind my bad ear
with that tar brush, could you?
Jew-- Certainly, by the way, I want you to
know that even If I'm starving, I won't eat you.
Pig-- Well, that's nice, so you don't believe
in withernam?
Jew-- No, just valetudinarianism.
Pig-- That's sad, sorry to hear that.
That's a hell of a ukase.
Jew-- It could be worse. I could have taphephobia.
Pig-- Or your scrotum could be aciniform?
Jew-- Ha! Ha!
Pig-- Hee Hee...
Jew-- You know what I like more than anything?
Jactitation. Boy what a surge to my loins & ego!
Pig-- Not me, I'm into Necyomancy.
Jew-- Wow, is that scary?
Pig-- Nah, Satan doesn't eat pig either.
He just eats Jews and shellfish.
Jew-- I once knew an Angel into eccrinology.
Pig-- Oh yeah, what was that all about?
Did he feel it quale?
Jew-- No, it gave him time to be a gaberlunzie.
Pig-- Oh, thank god I'm just a latitidinarian,
it's so much easier to sleep that way and eat
and digest. Although once a haruspex tried to
read my gallbladder and I almost let her for
science and my open mindeness.
Jew-- Yeah, well try being a Sabbatarian like me.
I can never get laid at the club.
Pig-- I didn't know you had a degree in cacogenics?
There is an uneasy pause...
Pig-- Don't you, I mean?
Jew-- No, I was in a concentration camp that semester.
A month later when the rescue boat arrives.
Captain Hitlerman-- We had reports from the
plane that there was a pig with you?
Jew-- Oh ah, yeah, ah some English boys killed
and ate him, they were island hopping, something
about the Lord of the flies? I of course am Jewish
like Woody Allen and Larry King I don't eat swine.
I'm a lover not a fighter. Don't let my face veil
fool you, I borrowed that from a Palestinian girl
a year ago that I evicted, cute huh, and keeps the
lips out of the sun which is really critical when
marooned on a deserted Island.
Captain Hitlerman-- You Jews, so inventive, get on
board mate lets get you back to your bank in
Sweden promptly. Mr. Tsve Howard Rosenbum the III.
They've missed you. We've all missed you.
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.714286
Weighted score: 5.4610424
Overall Rank: 2864
Posted: July 21, 2003 7:11 PM PDT; Last modified: July 28, 2003 5:22 PM PDT
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Comments:
496 view(s)
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thought it was poorly written, and to an average kid into poetry, it's incomprehendible anyway. I hope it goes to #1. Good day.