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Whisper Under the Thunder (Other) by OneFingerAnswer Whisper under the thunder
And every thing`s all right
You let him yell and scream
And hope you live tonight
He hurt you so much
But you come right back
And find yourself again
In the hands that turn your eyes black
You cried all night
You sat in pain
But you love him
So you live under his reign
Whisper under the thunder
And every thing`s all right
You let him yell and scream
And hope you live tonight
Why can`t you run?
You don`t even hear
Me or anyone telling you
He`s the one you should fear
I can`t believe
You live this way
Black and blue
From day to day
Whisper under the thunder
And every thing`s all right
You let him yell and scream
And hope you live tonight
You call his name
And he responds
With fists and threats
And light fixture batons
In the waiting room
He fills out the forms
And he waits for you
As the pain inside you swarms
Whisper under the thunder
And every thing`s all right
You let him yell and scream
And hope you live tonight
Finally you walk away
You`ve had enough
When he calls you back
I hope you stay that tough
Up the ladder:
A Tender Kiss
Down the ladder:
Fire (a haiku series)
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.7777777
Posted: July 21, 2002 4:34 AM PDT; Last modified: July 21, 2002 4:34 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.888889 Overall Rank: 1480 Comments:
[4]
kawakurdi @ 62.6.76.251
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21-Jul-02/11:40 AM
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Reply
Good start. Then becomes repetitive, verbose and stale. I think syanzas 1,5,9 and 11 are enough.
I think the repetition of your 'whisper under the thunder' stanza added to the mood of this poem always bringing it back to the main point. I think it worked in this particular poem. Also I liked the concluding stanza and if you knew this person I too hope she stays that tough and finds happiness.
Really moving. Last line is perfect.
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