Other № 5504

Whisper Under the Thunder

Member since 2002 · Posted 21 Jul 2002 · 3 comments

Whisper under the thunder And every thing`s all right You let him yell and scream And hope you live tonight He hurt you so much But you come right back And find yourself again In the hands that turn your eyes black You cried all night You sat in pain But you love him So you live under his reign Whisper under the thunder And every thing`s all right You let him yell and scream And hope you live tonight Why can`t you run? You don`t even hear Me or anyone telling you He`s the one you should fear I can`t believe You live this way Black and blue From day to day Whisper under the thunder And every thing`s all right You let him yell and scream And hope you live tonight You call his name And he responds With fists and threats And light fixture batons In the waiting room He fills out the forms And he waits for you As the pain inside you swarms Whisper under the thunder And every thing`s all right You let him yell and scream And hope you live tonight Finally you walk away You`ve had enough When he calls you back I hope you stay that tough

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mean 6.78 weighted 5.89 rank 1479 views 284 View voting details →

9 votes so far. Yours would make 10.9 votes so far

3 comments

[4] kawakurdi 21-Jul-02/11:40 AM Reply

Good start. Then becomes repetitive, verbose and stale. I think syanzas 1,5,9 and 11 are enough.

[8] itchiwitch 22-Jul-02/5:15 AM Reply

I think the repetition of your 'whisper under the thunder' stanza added to the mood of this poem always bringing it back to the main point. I think it worked in this particular poem. Also I liked the concluding stanza and if you knew this person I too hope she stays that tough and finds happiness.

[8] Venus 9-Aug-02/2:49 PM Reply

Really moving. Last line is perfect.