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Platform (Free verse) by Exiled_humanity
Stood upon a deserted Dirty grey platform Waiting with in a shattered Shelter It’s patched and dented Metallic blue silver walls Protects me from the cold breath Of the unseen beast That howls Outside this hall Waiting and preying Preying to pounce Waiting for me So it can maul Me with it’s frozen claws Chilling my frightened blood Even more. The smashed glass roof Of the shattered shelter Does little If any To stop the downpour Of icy spears of spittle From the salivating creature Like the hungry howls They penetrate the hall They saturate my clothes Leaving me naked, expose and Alone With the hidden, howling, heat-hungry horror That lurks outside The shattered lidless shoe box That’s set adrift In the abandoned Seas Of silent unease. The plug shaped yellow face Looms in the distance A threatening appreciation Suspended with in time Moving closer fast but Seemingly Sitting Still on the horizon Will it whiz past? Will it stop with a metallic Ta-whine Open its maw With a hiss And provide Salvation from The monsters midst?

Up the ladder: Never Be
Down the ladder: Within

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.75
Weighted score: 4.970199
Overall Rank: 8413
Posted: June 4, 2003 10:59 AM PDT; Last modified: June 4, 2003 10:59 AM PDT
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Comments:
[5] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 4-Jun-03/4:26 PM | Reply
"The plug shaped yellow face" lol.
[5] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 4-Jun-03/4:27 PM | Reply
Dude, this poem should be torn appart and shot at you through a straw.
[7] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.212.215 | 4-Jun-03/4:38 PM | Reply
I think this could be quite a good poeme if you made it better.

"It’s patched and dented", "It's frozen claws": Its

"With in" (both times): Within

"Chilling my frightened blood/Even more": Show, don't tell.

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