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I Am(Defined) (Free verse) by lil cindy lu who I am...
pigtails
freckles
my step father's toy,
warnings, 'don't tell'
hands on my body
mouth on my face
tears for a first love
who didn't love me
crinolines starched in circles
holding poodle skirts wide
swoons over Elvis
at Heartbreak Hotel,
We Like Ike
and polio shots
step father's stench,
arms binding me down
i'm big now...
you can't get me again
tumbles into love
a dozen times, maybe more
the world around me changing,
as Joan Baez sings out, Diamonds and Rust
and the Washington Wall wept,
too many lives late
riding roughened seas,
boat battened down,
facing the storms
trembling inside
rain on my face
not turning back
all of these things,
none of them, either
hungry and wanting,
but at home in my skin,
some ghosts still lingering
some routed out
hands in a fist
arms opened wide
defined
Up the ladder:
form: aware
Down the ladder:
Untitled
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.3333335
Posted: May 27, 2003 2:54 PM PDT; Last modified: May 27, 2003 2:54 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.0896473 Overall Rank: 6210 Comments:
[6]
thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 24.209.21.223
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27-May-03/5:58 PM
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Reply
Meh, I have a hard time relating each stanza to the others execept 1 and 4. -6- But only cause I see room for improvement.
[n/a]
lil cindy lu who @ 152.163.252.7
> thepinkbunnyofdoom
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27-May-03/6:04 PM
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Reply
pink...I need to do some re-editing...at the time I wrote it, it made sense...now...i'm not so sure. I think I possibly got a little overcome with emotion...perhaps this one should go to the trash bin huh?
[n/a]
lil cindy lu who @ 152.163.252.7
> thepinkbunnyofdoom
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27-May-03/6:05 PM
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Reply
well pink...i also see room for improvement. Got a little carried away on this one...perhaps it should go to the trash bin
Likable enough.
I wouldn't go throughing things in the trash bin, the idea of defining yourself in a poem is OK, just work on it, some poems take a lot of reshaping you just have to keep at them.
Are you saying that:
lil cindy lu who =df any x which satisfies the predicate ( x has pigtails & x has freckles & there is some y and some z such that ( y is female & y begat x & z is male & z is married to y & ~(z begat x) & x is the toy of z & z warns x 'don't tell' & the hands of z are on the body of x & the mouth of z is on the face of x)) & there is some y such that ( x loved y & for all z ( ~(y=z) -> (x loved z -> x loved z later than x loved y)) & ~(y loved x)) & x has crinolines starched in circles holding poodle skirts wide & for all y ( (y is Elvis at Heartbreak Hotel v y is 'I Like Ike' v y is polio shots) -> x swoons over y) & there is some y and some z such that ( y is female & y begat x & z is male & z is married to y & ~(z begat x) & x smells the stench of z & the arms of z bind down x & x is big now & z cannot get x again) & x tumbles into love, a dozen times, maybe more & there is some y such that ( y is a world & y is around x & for all z ( (z is a world & z is around x) -> z=y) & y is changing as Joan Baez sings out, Diamonds and Rust & the Washington Wall wept, too many lives late) & x is riding roughened seas & the boat of x is battened down & x is facing the storms & x is trembling inside & there is rain on the face of x & ~(x is turning back) for all y ~there is some y such that ( y is hungry and wanting & y is at home in the skin of x) & there is some y and some z such that ( y is a ghost & z is a ghost & ~(y=z) & y still lingers & z is routed out) & x has hands in a fist & x has arms opened wide)
5.
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