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lusty (Free verse) by nolan once again caught up in your grip
thinking between the legs
rather than with the heart
it isn't true what they say
lust is real
it is a desire
it holds you down
makes you weak
often to the point where you weep
it feels so good
to know you're not alone
that there is something in your arms
it takes a piece of you
every time it's in your eyes
but as easy as it comes
it often leaves
and leaves one to wonder
if this pain is caused by lust
then the tragedy of love
may be enough
to break a soul full of emotion
Up the ladder:
Espera
Down the ladder:
Those Without Graves
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.3333335
Posted: April 24, 2003 12:15 PM PDT; Last modified: April 24, 2003 12:15 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.0397344 Overall Rank: 7028 Comments:
[10]
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.8.103
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24-Apr-03/3:47 PM
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Reply
Beautiful. I especially enjoyed "makes you weak / often to the point where you weep". However, may I suggest the following alteration: "makes you weep / often to the point where you weep". Oh, and "soul full of emotion" is the most beautiful thing I have ever read. Ever. Also, great use of lower case letters throughout - it adds a touch of class that I feel is so desperately lacking from contemporary western literature. Now all you need to do is garnish with neat handwriting and a light sprinkling of "i think it's important to smile and yeah so what if i'm different i still have loads of chilled-out friends"
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