poemranker ::all in my head by calilegzzz

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Free verse № 45912

all in my head

by calilegzzz

Member since 2003 · Posted 1 Apr 2003 · 8 comments

When you close your eyes Does it hurt? Can you feel the memories? They flood my mind Fill my soul, The depths of which you will never know You touch my lips, Kiss my face Every night I lay awake You sneak a smile A knowing look As you hold me close, I forget my pain You wipe my tears You warm my hands You shelter me from the falling rain I see it so clear Every touch I can feel Within my head it all seems real I open my eyes And the tears start to fall The truth of it is You weren't here at all So tell me, When you close your eyes, Does it hurt?

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mean 4.60 weighted 4.95 rank 8919 views 151 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

8 comments

[9] deleted user 2-Apr-03/1:26 AM Reply
Wonderful poem..keep up the good work..
[n/a] calilegzzz › deleted user 14-Apr-03/2:15 AM Reply
thank you for your kind words, I am always nervours when any of my poems go public, (fear of rejection) (teeheehee) anyway thank you!
[7] spank me baby yeah 2-Apr-03/8:38 AM Reply
Basic as hell but I liked the way you worked the theme and its quite grand
[n/a] calilegzzz › spank me baby yeah 14-Apr-03/2:16 AM Reply
yea, I am afraid i am stuck in basic, i am working on it though, thank you for the feed back.
[3] scitz 2-Apr-03/8:39 AM Reply
This is a brown sticky nappy. 3
[n/a] calilegzzz › scitz 14-Apr-03/2:17 AM Reply
What the hell is brown sticky nappy?
[n/a] Ranger 3-Apr-03/11:29 AM Reply
Give this a twist towards the end, dedicate it to your mother rather than someperson we'll never really know about. If you want to keep the subject the same then it needs more complexity and slightly less cliche. I quite like the opener/concluder.
[n/a] calilegzzz › Ranger 14-Apr-03/2:13 AM Reply
thank you for the feed back, I enjoy when someone makes me look at my stuff and do a little thinking.