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A Little Nightmare (Lyric) by Teen14 Darling's in her little cage
Gomez run away!
Fighting off the dizzy haze
Gomez run!
Tonight our dreams are dressed in black
Gomez run away!
Feeding underneath our hat
Gomez run!
Infecting us like a sore
Gomez run away!
Diving into all our pores
Gomez run!
Lightning cracks outside this maze
Gomez run away!
Sweeping deeper in our daze
Gomez run!
They chase us all through the night!
Gomez run away!
As we scatter all in fright
Gomez run!
Scream we might, fight we try
Gomez run away!
No matter what we all shall die!
Gomez run!
Please escape my dear friend
Gomez run away!
For this nightmare...
It shall never end.
Up the ladder:
Shark
Down the ladder:
Tasmanian Wolfs
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.7
Posted: January 30, 2003 2:10 PM PST; Last modified: January 30, 2003 2:10 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.35 Overall Rank: 3395 Comments:
[7]
Ranger @ 62.7.132.88
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31-Jan-03/12:47 PM
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Reply
Bold, straight to the point although I still don't know what the nightmare is.
[n/a]
Teen14 @ 209.74.16.223
> Ranger
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31-Jan-03/1:53 PM
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Reply
It's supposed to capture the feelings and emotions of a nightmare. That's why it's a LYRICAL poem.
Your close to caputing it but maybe a few less gomez runs at the beginning so that you build a sort of increasing frenzy.
They need to be there. They're crucial! It's kind of like a song and they're the chorus. It's an echoing cry throughout the poem. It's needed.
Its was just a suggestion, Here have another. Well maybe you could use gomez run! more in the start and gomez run away! towards the middle and gomez run away now! towards the end. Then your still intensify the using your "chorus" and they stay.
No. It wouldn't have the same chilling effect.
Great poeme, Teen14! I especially like your rhymings of "try" with "die", "friend" with "end", and "black" with... "hat". Keep up the good work! 10!!!!!!!!!
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