poemranker ::A Little Nightmare by Teen14

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Lyric № 38672

A Little Nightmare

by Teen14

Member since 2003 · Posted 30 Jan 2003 · 7 comments

Darling's in her little cage Gomez run away! Fighting off the dizzy haze Gomez run! Tonight our dreams are dressed in black Gomez run away! Feeding underneath our hat Gomez run! Infecting us like a sore Gomez run away! Diving into all our pores Gomez run! Lightning cracks outside this maze Gomez run away! Sweeping deeper in our daze Gomez run! They chase us all through the night! Gomez run away! As we scatter all in fright Gomez run! Scream we might, fight we try Gomez run away! No matter what we all shall die! Gomez run! Please escape my dear friend Gomez run away! For this nightmare... It shall never end.

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mean 5.70 weighted 5.35 rank 3393 views 177 View voting details →

10 votes so far. Yours would make 11.10 votes so far

7 comments

[7] Ranger 31-Jan-03/12:47 PM Reply
Bold, straight to the point although I still don't know what the nightmare is.
[n/a] Teen14 › Ranger 31-Jan-03/1:53 PM Reply
It's supposed to capture the feelings and emotions of a nightmare. That's why it's a LYRICAL poem.
[8] thepinkbunnyofdoom 31-Jan-03/4:52 PM Reply
Your close to caputing it but maybe a few less gomez runs at the beginning so that you build a sort of increasing frenzy.
[n/a] Teen14 › thepinkbunnyofdoom 31-Jan-03/7:34 PM Reply
They need to be there. They're crucial! It's kind of like a song and they're the chorus. It's an echoing cry throughout the poem. It's needed.
[8] thepinkbunnyofdoom › Teen14 1-Feb-03/3:23 AM Reply
Its was just a suggestion, Here have another. Well maybe you could use gomez run! more in the start and gomez run away! towards the middle and gomez run away now! towards the end. Then your still intensify the using your "chorus" and they stay.
[n/a] Teen14 › thepinkbunnyofdoom 1-Feb-03/5:59 AM Reply
No. It wouldn't have the same chilling effect.
[10] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 1-Feb-03/7:25 AM Reply
Great poeme, Teen14! I especially like your rhymings of "try" with "die", "friend" with "end", and "black" with... "hat". Keep up the good work! 10!!!!!!!!!