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Afterglow (Free verse) by Imperfections Long after
the burn in my eyes
from the words that you said
and the burn in my thighs
from the night in your bed
fades away,
your voice still plays
like a song in my head
through the day.
Up the ladder:
quarantine agenda
Down the ladder:
Abused
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.25
Posted: January 24, 2003 1:06 AM PST; Last modified: January 24, 2003 1:06 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.1490035 Overall Rank: 5229 Comments:
[8]
wOrnella Mutiw @ 198.81.26.167
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24-Jan-03/1:52 AM
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Reply
nice...8
[n/a]
Imperfections @ 66.24.97.71
> wOrnella Mutiw
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27-Jan-03/4:22 PM
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Reply
oops! I accidentally deleted a really constructive comment from zzinnia66. You're right about that last line. It does nothing for the meaning, I put it there more or less to even out the rhythem. I'll have to work on a new way to end that thought.
[n/a]
<~> @ 67.84.171.238
> Imperfections
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27-Jan-03/4:35 PM
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Reply
you could end it with an ellipsis, as though the thought is still lingering on...
a burning sensation in the thigh region? You should see a doctor.
seriously though, not bad so far. 155 view(s)
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