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Harry the Moon (Free verse) by Mimi & Vincent When you look upon the sky
Harry the Half Moon is saying hi
Little Mimi ask him why
Why do people live and die
Harry reponds with a hopeless sigh
Don't ask don't ask don't ask me why
I would rather live and die
Sing, dance, work to taste real life
Inquisitive Mimi persists to ask Harry why
Why do people live and die
Babies love to give out a mid-night cry
Sex and violence posioned teenagers' spine
Money and status make one's blind
Tumors and sickness could deprive our pride
People live and then close their eyes
Why why why and why
Up the ladder:
My Mother on Her Honeymoon
Down the ladder:
Gravity
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.9
Posted: July 9, 2002 2:23 AM PDT; Last modified: July 9, 2002 4:36 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.95 Overall Rank: 8977 Comments:
[n/a]
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 217.35.148.77
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9-Jul-02/7:58 AM
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Reply
My tumor gives me great pride. Thought I do agree that monies and stati make one's blind. Great line by the way.
Brilliant I love it, I bloody love it, your my best friend you are, my best friend, I bloody love you, no no no no listen you know what i mean, no noo no no do ye get me, no non no no I BLOODY love you
MEDIOCRITY CHECKLISTE
[X] AABB rhyming scheme [_] Arbitrary indentation [_] Arbitrary line breaks [X] Clerical errors [_] Ellipses used overabundantly [_] Lower case only [_] Internet shorthand / emoticons [X] Repetition of a word or phrase ad nauseam [_] Devoid of rhyme [_] Devoid of other linguistic embellishments (alliteration, etc) [_] Devoid of other literary devices (metaphor, synaesthesia, etc) [_] Devoid of wondrous or fantastical imagery [_] About drugs [_] About romantic love [_] About suicide or self-mutilation [_] About writing [X] Cliched imagery (tears falling like rain, angel in heaven) [X] Cliched rhymes (love/above, heart/apart) [X] Sounds like dialogue in a fantasy novel [_] Melodramatic [_] Autobiographical but in the third person [_] Concerns the author's social pastimes [_] Leaving rant [_] Vicarious wish fulfilment [_] Pointedly unanswered questions [X] Smugly-named protagonist [_] Sanctimonious [_] Untitled [_] Gushingly religious [_] Obsessed with femininity [_] Rage against the machine [_] Self-obsessed -7- 135 view(s)
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