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Gone (Free verse) by Katie2
Borrowed light from the sun, Reflects upon your face, The conflict starts, The blood rushes, Your palms ache, Mind racing, Thoughts escaping, Feelings erasing, How can it be? What does he see when he looks at the game, Does he see her face? Does he witness and feel her embrace, Or does he feel no love, And just hate. I wonder what's going through his head, as I hide behind my own fear, wishing that I could get near. But he's to far gone, Never to come home, I still remember when he held me in his arms, Told me we could do no wrong. He's ran away from home, Ran away from the man he use to be. Back to a boy, back to hopeless innocents, back to being ignorant. Giving into the peer pressure surrounding him, Giving into the gimmick of being a so-called pimp.

Up the ladder: Feelings Inside
Down the ladder: Skin Milk

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.875
Weighted score: 4.9663825
Overall Rank: 8510
Posted: December 28, 2002 5:08 PM PST; Last modified: December 28, 2002 5:08 PM PST
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Comments:
[7] <{Baba^Yaga}> @ 24.126.113.154 | 28-Dec-02/5:21 PM | Reply
yodeling in the valley. a delicious break from potatos.$
[4] smlink84 @ 68.100.154.95 | 28-Dec-02/6:49 PM | Reply
Interesting. It would be better if you used more imagery and weren't so blunt about it.
[5] darkhelmet10 @ 216.54.14.84 | 27-Mar-03/8:35 AM | Reply
I've been there, good job on showing your feelings, but i agree it could use more imagery. Try to make the reader feel the pain, dont just describe it.
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