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Splendid Discovery (Free verse) by blkarakagain
When I first saw her standin' there, So grand in there, My heart, long silent, wailed, fresh and new and sudden, wrenching tears from a desperate void of black gloom, to flow like time, viscous, eternal, and comic; I'd stolen a glnce at her, Taken a chance with her, her poise, her style, her eyes, those piercing, nefarious brown pools of divine chocolate spirit, and I'd appraised, quite suddenly, her beauty, her body, and her soul, a liquor so enticing, so exotic and rare, as to make me start with an icy terror, with the gripping fear of future loss and bitterweet longing, My brain screamed out, man, it creamed out a spritual lusty groan of majestic blue and mystic truth, --and then--then, as if she heard from across time and space, my pounding, jack-hammer heart, BANGING LIKE MAD, LIKE BOLD AND FRENZY, She foated gracefully my way, tastefully my way, through a velvety haze, a smoky maze of cigarettes and tension, time frozen in suspension, --a startling epiphany of death and sweat and purpose-- She stopped mere inches from my face, my life, my soul, Her throaty whispers stealing my flesh and my will, sealing my fate, Her sighs, sweet and deadly, breaking the intensity of need and devotion down into small managable bits of passion and conquest; I needed her so bad, so deep down and dangerous, this jaded sophisticate, this dragon goddess of sweet rapture and amazement; I followed her to her door, to her web, in a wake of ambrosia and arcania, electric sensuality, lulled, lost, and, at once, found, clawing at her, gnawing at her, needing her, her smile, her tears, her smooth mystery and skin, I pulled her way down into my darkness, tasting the fear and the need in her blood red lips, the greed in her hips,...hungry, abiding, overwhelming,.. We mingled and tensed until she gripped bold, tearing at my flesh, until she filled with a shimmering, glittering light, like scattered diamonds on velvet, like shattered luminescence, until she SCREAMED, until she moaned, purred, licked her paw, until she laid her pretty head in the hollow of my shoulder, until elsewhere became forever, forever; I'd severed her ties to reason, leaving only memories of romance and casual struggle,...oooh yeah...., I exalted in the magnificence of her form, feeling, for a moment, righteous and viable, inviolate, thinking, for an instant, about the mystery of death and passion, beautiful and deeply dreadful; Willing myself, capriciously, foolishly, driven by ghosts and the haunting lies of youth, I abandoned fate,.....I abandoned her...., Leaving her, lying there, naked in restless slumber, I ran,...I ran away, I stole away,...scared, scarred soul deep, from the agony of running, like from a revolution, or hiding in terror from the doom of revelation, stealing away to roam, to search for something sacred, or for something that I'd already found, something more alive than life, itself, more vibrant than the cascading hues of dementia, lost somewhere between knowledge and will, and unchecked by the plague of human frailty, and now,... and now I'm stuck in this nightmare of neverending truth, I'm separated from my splendid discovery by midnight and the death man's song, I'm separated by clouds and pride, and by foolish vigor; The tapestry of all that's past and the echoes of long ago laughter, pales in comparison and seems like decay beside my recollections of Traci; My delicate flower's fragrance still lingers and my arms will remain forever outstretched, waiting for her, watching for her, willing her back to me, to be here with me forever. <Time waits for no man,unfortunately, so I can't finish this right now; I'll come back later and finish it, sorry> So anyway that's it; I hope ya'll like it.

Down the ladder: Garden of confusion

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.142857
Weighted score: 4.769479
Overall Rank: 11387
Posted: December 20, 2002 1:56 PM PST; Last modified: December 22, 2002 10:55 AM PST
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Comments:
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232 | 20-Dec-02/5:07 PM | Reply
rough, immediate, alive, sensual.
keep going!
[2] god'swife @ 209.178.176.135 | 22-Dec-02/11:22 AM | Reply
This is dreadfully over the top. What ever beauty may be here is lost among the gawdy weeds. "More vibrant than the cascadings hues of dementia"?! What the...? Vibrant dementia? Cascading dementia? Hues of dementia? At this point it seems you just love to hear yourself talk. "Unchecked by the plague of human frailty"? Unchecked by sense you mean. And it's not even finished you have accomplished saying abosulety nothing in more words then I thought possible. I met a girl she was beuatiful, we slept together and I got scared. I ran away I hope she comes to me because I don't have the balls to go back to her. Spit it out already, it seems to have poisoned you.
[0] <{Baba^Yaga}> @ 24.126.113.154 | 22-Dec-02/1:31 PM | Reply
you ever notice people with no sense of humor aren't <funny> it's caused by a recessive gene due to inbreeding and academia injected 'idealations', the style you're mimicking is a 'code' invented to teach the reader using a mode of symbolic regurgitations inspired by a thought than a notion into idea into written word thus spoken 'it' becomes. exists..for a single but 'every day' purpose, being the dot to dotting, the layering,the connecting of filaments, tissue, elements.. to be assembled than named 'the great bringing', so by using ones senses, both mentally and physically <spiritually fueled with curiosities, insatiable> you correspond symbols with the names at a rate uncalculable and secret <the formula that god used to bring things into being> biochemical process that the mind uses to decide. But [since] you choose not decide on anything other than your 'sad' attempt at criticizing against the value of this particular 'style'. ironically by taking the time to write about it at all only strengthens its validity, so thanks for helping me decide on just how i feel about your attempt. <i don't>.
[6] Caducus @ 62.105.88.10 | 23-Dec-02/3:53 AM | Reply
I like your writing it has a naked unimitable style but think if you condensed some of your work it would assault the senses more. I cant help but laugh in disbelief at the 0 vote, people spend so much time creating their best for a split second vote violating junkie - have what it deserves a 6 with potential
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