poemranker ::Misplaced admoration by deep-as-a-puddle

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Free verse № 30646

Misplaced admoration

by deep-as-a-puddle

Member since 2002 · Posted 17 Dec 2002 · 3 comments

Our paths do cross but your head it never turns, Inside of me i feel my heart yearn. For months i turned myself around, but your love i never found. When valentines came and two became on face, still my admoration i misplaced. For days on end i would dream of you, until one night that dream fell through. The cold, harsh snow melted away, and through the night broke the day. For once i was in darkness, now in light, I have laid to rest my eternal fight.

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mean 4.71 weighted 4.92 rank 9383 views 143 View voting details →

7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

3 comments

[4] nentwined 17-Dec-02/12:58 PM Reply
too much "forced the line to fit the rhyme". rhythm could use work.
[n/a] god'swife 17-Dec-02/2:29 PM Reply
Your poem has been fataly wounded by rhyme.
[7] lunar 19-Dec-02/1:27 PM Reply
This doesnt really make sense, plus it does seem you have changed to make it rhyme but i do quite like it but its not really the type of poem i relate to! xx