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Strays (Free verse) by ObiWonKn
Your mother warned you not to feed the stray cat From down the street Who always stood outside the screen Of your sliding glass doors When she wasn?t looking, You?d pour warm milk into a glass bowl Open the screen For the cat to step inside I wonder if you were thinking ?bout that cat Last night When the creeps were creeping in Your bedroom window Feels like a nightmare but you are wide-awake Sitting up in your bed wiping the sweat away This isn?t the first night, Is it? They come to steal your soul Because they believe you?ve gone astray What will happen to them? Who decides you?re really ?saved?? Will they leave if you tell them to? Is there a pill you can take To help you sleep it all away Last night, when I checked on you, I KNOW you were still awake

Up the ladder: conundrum, part 1

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
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.. 00
.. 20
.. 02
.. 02
.. 12
.. 20
.. 11
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.. 20

Arithmetic Mean: 3.6875
Weighted score: 3.8439538
Overall Rank: 13470
Posted: March 16, 2002 1:19 AM PST; Last modified: March 16, 2002 1:19 AM PST
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Comments:
[6]... anonymous @ | 27-Jul-01/4:11 PM | Reply
I like the overall sentiment, but am not sure of the specifics you're going for. Are the strays boyfriends, religious folks, hookerbait, ...? other than that, it would be nice to have a conjunction or something between "you'd pour warm milk into a glass bowl" and "open the screen"
[6]... anonymous @ | 30-Jul-01/3:00 PM | Reply
You spend a lot of time developing the cat metaphor in the first three stanzas, then it disappears replaced by this vague "creeps creeping" imagery, and the two don't feel tied together at the end. Leaves me feeling like you tried to fit two separate poems together.
[6]... anonymous @ 160.94.134.148 | 13-May-02/3:07 PM | Reply
Would have been an 8 or so, but the last three stanzas don't work as well as the first three.
[1] Jeremi B. Handrinos @ 24.126.116.54 | 9-Nov-03/5:50 AM | Reply
I wish that cat would explode along with you and this poem.
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