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When Heaven Is Hell (Free verse) by Brennan
Two tears adjoined on tip to tip So marks the stay upon my rest Where yonder shine of Heaven's gates Found I and all my trappings blessed Of silver lining, trimmed with gold Are satin sheets upon my bed And sure is here the finest sleep That ever did I rest my head Yet whence I woke this early morn On sunrise bright of colors fair So looked I next unto my side But sleeping you were never there The silver tray that lays afar Held all the fruits of angel true Enchanted flask of sweetened wine And nectar flower's honey dew But as contentment smiles broad This courteous intention shown I see whereon resides my feast Is set for one and one alone The roses smell not so as sweet The moon grows not so full at night The rivers flow not so as smooth And every star shines not as bright And passing moments on my cloud May watching I the sun decline Unbroken tears upon me flow To wish you once again were mine For wrapped up here in pleasure's warmth My emptiness forever will For lasting is my only need If had I once a single greed For you in life and for you still

Down the ladder: Ashes

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Weighted score: 4.7310586
Overall Rank: 11807
Posted: October 11, 2002 12:30 AM PDT; Last modified: October 11, 2002 12:30 AM PDT
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Comments:
[5] Caducus @ 62.105.88.10 | 22-Nov-02/6:33 AM | Reply
lines 3/4 stanza 2 screw this up, if you took all the best lines and condensed it, it could be quite a good poem. As it stands it dont clog my throat
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