| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Safe Distance, 10-10-02 (Free verse) by Frass Last night
a man who worked for my firm
stood near his car, pumping gas in Manassas
and was shot dead, in cold blood
from a safe distance
the sniper thought.
The distance
a coward uses for his aims
while searching through the heart of himself,
a well brimming with self-pity,
for another reason to hate
all of us.
The innocent
the victims of such hate
are not distant from our prayers and thoughts;
but, there is no distance safe enough
the sniper knows that our justice
will find him.
Up the ladder:
Sympathy for a Pig
Down the ladder:
Damn chickens
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.2727275
Posted: October 10, 2002 12:49 PM PDT; Last modified: October 10, 2002 12:49 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.1363635 Overall Rank: 5513 Comments:
Well, someones been doing their exercises. I love the way this piece looks, and also "pumping gas in Manassas" the last lines at the end of S1 & S2 should be eliminated. Lines 3,4, & 5 in S2 need tiobe re-worked slightly. S3 needs to be re-worked. Sounds like a hurried after-thought.
Thanks, yes, I usually rewrite poetry 83 times that I first wrote years ago, then post it; but, I've been influenced by some of ya'll posting freshly written poetry and since the gas station where Dean was shot is 8 minutes from my house, and I've bought gas at the very pump where Dean met his maker, I just thought I'd throw something together. As the Clash sang "I fought the law, and the law won"....they're gonna get the sorry sumbitch who's doing all this shooting. 7 deaths from 9 shots in 7 days.
I'm so sorry Frass, it's surreal isn't it. Everythngs going to be o.k. I mean geez Death waits around every corner, but things have got to be insane over there right now. I was praying for you today. didn't know it was you personally, but I was praying for you. The thing is, your going to walk out of this with a keener appreciation. 7 out of 9. 7 out of 9.
No worries, justice finds a way. When it started last week, some people immediately jumped to "Arab terrorist", just like they did with the Oklahoma City bombing. Methinks, like with that event, this is one of our own homegrown wackadoos. NRA bumper stickered, military or police experienced, white anglo saxon protestant fucked up guy.
Pray for me, benevolent one. I'm a nasty flailing sauce-merchant.
I'll ask the Lord to send you more shit and AIDS. Now go make your mother proud. By the way, what's bukkake?
Type it into Google and click 'I'm Feeling Lucky'.
Wow!! I didn't know the best way to express vague righteous anger was to write adolescent poetry and amateur psychoanalysis! "A well brimming with self-pity". Are you sure you wrote that? I could've sworn my 14-year-old sister won some sort of poetry contest for that the other day. More to the point, how is it you have such expert knowledge of the sniper's motivation? You seem to forget that not everyone in the world is such a beautiful tortured soul as you.
Let me get this straight: a) the sniper think's he's safe, b) the sniper knows he isn't safe, c) killing people from a distance is cowardly (as opposed to gutting them on a street corner, which is extraordinarily brave)? Well strike me down if you don't win the Pseudo-Insightful BS Award 2002! Congrats!! 10!!! P.S. I hate to tell you this, but justice is what allegedly happens to people *after* they're found.
It must be strange, knwoing someone who's a victim of this weirdo. Thanks for your comment by the way - I don't know why 'Instructions to a Sculptor' has taken off in the way it has, but it makes me happy!
Good, I liked this, though I would take heed of the good advice already given.
This is very brave, but perhaps it's all too close to write about.
Sorry someone you knew is dead. That said, I'm afraid I agree with Dark Angel. This isn't that great a piece of writing. It's pretty cliched and really, what do you know of his motivation? The piece lacks fire if that was what you were going for and also sadness if that was your goal. I came in with an open mind for this one, but I was disappointed.
The ending is bad. Perhaps he doesn't know. Perhaps your justice won't find him. And perhaps he doesn't hate anyone. It could always just be target practice. Or fun. Or something.
231 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
and spanked with his mothers 11 inck black dildo. 8.