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I'll Always Remember (Free verse) by NobodyGirl9
I remember the day you walked in to class and sat right next to me, You were new to the school and you were looking for a friend. I remember you asked for a pencil from the seat in front of me, We didn't talk much in the beginning but i missed you in the end. I remember the fun we had on that trip that went all wrong, Our bus broke down on the side of the road and they took us to the mall. We walked around for about an hour and laughed all along. We raced to the elevator though mostly we would fall. That day that you came over my house and we got lost in the forest, We got so angry with ourselves that we screamed all we could. We used to talk about Nsync and which one was the hottest, How we knew what the other were thinking and we always would. I remember the day we got real mad at each other, Your friend wrote something on the stall door and told you i did it. So you got even by the writing something about me to make me even madder, We knew we still wanted to be friends but neither wanted to admit it. That next year we were friends again and became inseparable, We would tell each other everything and we went together everywhere. Then you told me how you life was became unlivable, Because your father just didn't care. How he beat you bad when you would get a bad grade on a test, You told a teacher and the police were then sent. They moved you to that shelter and you life became a mess, Then you stopped coming to school and i wish i could tell you what you meant. As i sit here and reflect on the times we then shared, I do have friends that hang around but i often sit and glaze over, Thinking about the friend i had who really truly cared. I wish i could see you again and then we could just start over. No one really notices that you up and moved away, Except me because i think of you everyday. No one seems to notice when i walk with my new friends, That there is someone missing who said she'd be there till the end.

Up the ladder: Compassion
Down the ladder: Back from the night shift

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.388889
Weighted score: 5.3704457
Overall Rank: 3249
Posted: September 27, 2002 7:01 PM PDT; Last modified: September 27, 2002 7:01 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] INTRANSIT @ 64.12.96.237 | 28-Sep-02/3:53 PM | Reply
Shorten and add a little beef.Good rythm.8
[3] limonade @ 142.166.234.100 | 4-Oct-02/9:30 PM | Reply
The only word I can think of to describe this poem is "corny". Try adding some imagery. I'm not usually one to stand up and declaim about what poetry is, but this is prose. The two things that this piece has that might make it a poem are the rhymes, and the fact that it is broken up into stanzas. Still, because it is so severely lacking in artistry, I must label it prose. Get yourself a weblog and post this as a diary entry.
[10] ciantu @ 216.128.133.124 | 21-Nov-02/4:10 PM | Reply
it is very good
i feel your pain
[2] hipster flare @ 209.68.74.214 | 1-Oct-03/9:50 AM | Reply
Oh yeah, that's concrete. looks like a jagged edged something.
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