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Hearts End (Free verse) by grrund
The sun sets in the west A snow begins to fall quietly on the toad White moon rises over the bird's nest Ice develops unseen on the road A car zooms through the night A night that has never been like this Clouds silver in their splendor Tender like a lover's kiss The ice turns black as Hades' sender The car roars through the night's flurry Your eyes on the night's first ray Look at that precious white elm tree Oh, what a beautiful end to a long day Your thoughts on you and me Ice and car interact with slipping design Sights of metal bent around that white tree Words of love left unsaid to you Ice was too invisible for you to see A hush comes with the morning dew My heart's end.

Up the ladder: Someone
Down the ladder: Which Side of Darkness

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 02
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Weighted score: 5.119203
Overall Rank: 5615
Posted: September 23, 2002 8:48 PM PDT; Last modified: September 23, 2002 9:58 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] OneFingerAnswer @ 216.138.10.5 | 23-Sep-02/8:55 PM | Reply
I don't get it. It seems like you wanted to be morbid but then there's the Zoom, Varoom, and Booms. Even if you were going for contrast I think they spoiled the mood. If they were simply to signify the car then I still don't like them. Other than that I like but they ruined it just enough for me that the 8 falls to a 5.
[8] OneFingerAnswer @ 216.138.10.5 | 23-Sep-02/10:03 PM | Reply
Better. :) Not to be nit picky or any thing but I liked the stanzas. It made it easier to read. I just didn't like the onomatopoeia. Any way, nice work and it's your poem. No need to please me. :)
[2] Tintagiles @ 142.166.120.70 | 3-Oct-02/11:04 AM | Reply
All right, I can see that you needed a rhyme for 'road', but 'toad' really is pushing it a bit, don't you think?
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