poemranker ::Hearts End by grrund

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 16782

Hearts End

Member since 2002 · Posted 23 Sep 2002 · Edited 23 Sep 2002 · 3 comments

The sun sets in the west A snow begins to fall quietly on the toad White moon rises over the bird's nest Ice develops unseen on the road A car zooms through the night A night that has never been like this Clouds silver in their splendor Tender like a lover's kiss The ice turns black as Hades' sender The car roars through the night's flurry Your eyes on the night's first ray Look at that precious white elm tree Oh, what a beautiful end to a long day Your thoughts on you and me Ice and car interact with slipping design Sights of metal bent around that white tree Words of love left unsaid to you Ice was too invisible for you to see A hush comes with the morning dew My heart's end.

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mean 6.00 weighted 5.12 rank 5612 views 111 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

3 comments

[8] OneFingerAnswer 23-Sep-02/8:55 PM Reply
I don't get it. It seems like you wanted to be morbid but then there's the Zoom, Varoom, and Booms. Even if you were going for contrast I think they spoiled the mood. If they were simply to signify the car then I still don't like them. Other than that I like but they ruined it just enough for me that the 8 falls to a 5.
[8] OneFingerAnswer 23-Sep-02/10:03 PM Reply
Better. :) Not to be nit picky or any thing but I liked the stanzas. It made it easier to read. I just didn't like the onomatopoeia. Any way, nice work and it's your poem. No need to please me. :)
[2] Tintagiles 3-Oct-02/11:04 AM Reply
All right, I can see that you needed a rhyme for 'road', but 'toad' really is pushing it a bit, don't you think?