Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

So Shall I For You (Free verse) by onlyontuesdays
Just as the sun spreads its fiery wings to the sky Just as the ocean gently kisses the shore Just as the wind guides the dancing grass Forever together, so shall I for you Just as the stars dance across the infinite horizon Just as the flooding river shapes the land Just as the embers glow til the breaking dawn Forever together, so shall I for you Just as the moon, forever pulling the waves Just as the earth, forever spinning through the stars Just as the rain, forever waiting for the fall Forever together, so shall I for you

Up the ladder: xxxmas

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 11
.. 00
.. 01
.. 01
.. 23
.. 01
.. 00
.. 21
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 5.642857
Weighted score: 5.4699664
Overall Rank: 2848
Posted: May 11, 2002 8:43 PM PDT; Last modified: May 11, 2002 8:43 PM PDT
View voting details
Comments:
[n/a] -=SeTTle=- @ | 11-May-02/9:35 PM | Reply
The rythm lacks the weight of the meaning- I suppose I would liken the sentiment in this poem to that of a raver saying the same words.

Be as specific in intent as you can. Either speed it up (by making it more repetetive or by making the meaning unrealistically timeless/universal) or slow it down, to let it span some time.

I think three's a good number to use (you use "forever" to start 3 lines), since we divide time into before now and after. Which is three things.
[3]... anonymous @ 204.245.176.100 | 16-May-02/1:32 PM | Reply
yeah... but only on tuesdays.
[6] Piano @ 12.218.106.109 | 28-May-02/3:51 AM | Reply
Visual, like a painting. Well crafted and thoughtful.
[10] Holden @ 195.92.67.76 | 23-Jul-02/10:57 AM | Reply
Intriguing and Compassionate
120 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001