poemranker ::So Shall I For You by onlyontuesdays

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Free verse № 1625

So Shall I For You

by onlyontuesdays

Member since 2002 · Posted 11 May 2002 · 4 comments

Just as the sun spreads its fiery wings to the sky Just as the ocean gently kisses the shore Just as the wind guides the dancing grass Forever together, so shall I for you Just as the stars dance across the infinite horizon Just as the flooding river shapes the land Just as the embers glow til the breaking dawn Forever together, so shall I for you Just as the moon, forever pulling the waves Just as the earth, forever spinning through the stars Just as the rain, forever waiting for the fall Forever together, so shall I for you

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mean 5.64 weighted 5.47 rank 2847 views 120 View voting details →

14 votes so far. Yours would make 15.14 votes so far

4 comments

[n/a] -=SeTTle=- 11-May-02/9:35 PM Reply
The rythm lacks the weight of the meaning- I suppose I would liken the sentiment in this poem to that of a raver saying the same words.

Be as specific in intent as you can. Either speed it up (by making it more repetetive or by making the meaning unrealistically timeless/universal) or slow it down, to let it span some time.

I think three's a good number to use (you use "forever" to start 3 lines), since we divide time into before now and after. Which is three things.
[3] anonymous 16-May-02/1:32 PM Reply
yeah... but only on tuesdays.
[6] Piano 28-May-02/3:51 AM Reply
Visual, like a painting. Well crafted and thoughtful.
[10] Holden 23-Jul-02/10:57 AM Reply
Intriguing and Compassionate