poemranker ::first words by decadentlaurel

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Free verse № 15538

first words

by decadentlaurel

Member since 2002 · Posted 16 Sep 2002 · Edited 16 Sep 2002 · 9 comments

the gray haired man creeps forward, trembling, leaning more weight on his better foot. the floor creaks. he touches the wall and his head fills with faded images of days gone by. memories lost renew. keep your hands off the walls william. how she hated it when he would come in from playing. now all he wished for was to hear her just tell him that one more time.

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mean 4.56 weighted 4.78 rank 11315 views 126 View voting details →

9 votes so far. Yours would make 10.9 votes so far

9 comments

[5] nentwined 16-Sep-02/11:25 PM Reply
a sad/sweet sentiment. I couldn't get into the reading of it, however.
[n/a] decadentlaurel › nentwined 16-Sep-02/11:50 PM Reply
i no understand?
[5] nentwined › decadentlaurel 20-Sep-02/12:08 AM Reply
I don't really feel the "poem" nature of it, I suppose -- there's nothing that breaks naturally into a cadence or rhythm. I think it makes excellent short fiction, though.
[n/a] decadentlaurel › nentwined 21-Sep-02/11:32 AM Reply
yesyeysesyse. i suck.
[5] nentwined › decadentlaurel 21-Sep-02/11:32 AM Reply
I wouldn't say *that* per se. :)
[n/a] <~> 17-Sep-02/7:29 AM Reply
why 'first'?
[n/a] decadentlaurel › <~> 17-Sep-02/11:25 PM Reply
an enfants first word
[5] New Life Drug 10-Oct-02/9:45 PM Reply
This is entitled first words, yet it seems like the end of something.
[7] horus8 27-Dec-02/5:51 PM Reply
shouldn't this be final thouhts?