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Little Talons (Free verse) by richa
Little talons that I feel perch on my shoulder when I look on the apple and the hair and I listen to the cough and the chatter. Little talons that I feel even in the absence of such things I could not imagine you not perched on my shoulder you could be mere apparition and still I could not rid you, I could only lose you. Little talons.


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Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Weighted score: 5.2384057
Overall Rank: 4138
Posted: September 2, 2007 2:50 PM PDT; Last modified: September 2, 2007 2:50 PM PDT
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Comments:
[9] Ranger @ 86.140.66.215 | 3-Sep-07/6:56 AM | Reply
Nice idea, but it really needs to either be fully punctuated, or not punctuated at all (and let the word and line arrangement do the work). As it is, we have: Little talons that I feel perch on my shoulder when I look on the apple and the hair and I listen to the cough and the chatter. Little talons that I feel even in the absence of such things I could not imagine you not perched on my shoulder you could be mere apparition and still I could not get rid of you, I could only lose you. Little talons.
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